Obsessed

Synonyms: preoccupation,compulsion, passion.
New thought from my compelling book:God is obsessed with his creation, with humans, with the love of humans! You think that he created with nonchalance? Not a chance.
God's obsession is with man.
Lucifer's obsession is with himself.
We can choose.
Be obsessed or passionate about God or be obsessed with ourselves.
Chew on that for awhile! I am.

How you view it.

I am reading a very suspenseful novel called Obsessed. I wish I had not started since I can't get anything done. Anyway, it switches back and forth between two women in a Polish concentration camp and two men in LA in 1973. What hit me was the difference in attitudes and how it effects your day.
In the concentration camp, both Jewish women are pregnant, not a good thing to be, since those women are usually killed. But, so far, their lives have been spared. Martha is very timid and sees the worst of it. Ruth is very brave and sees the positives. For instance, the guard tower is painted and Ruth says it's to improve the guards moods. Martha almost laughed but' the gray skies inside hold her back.'
Ruth moves on to think about how wonderful it would be for the babies to meet and marry in the future. Martha can't believe that while women are being hung until dead by the gate for all to see, Ruth is 'skipping through the daisies and planning a wedding.'
Martha says that she is forgetting that dead babies do not marry.
Ruth replies that that is true but the babies are oblivious to the stink of death around them, they are safe in their bellies, jumping for joy.
" We should take a lesson from them" , she says to Martha.
I thought about that over and over. The same is true for me. I am safe in the shadow of God and can jump for joy. Nothing comes to me that is not filtered through his hands of love. I'm going to have Ruth's perspective from now on.

Too much

This week my friend gave me a bag of cherries and that took me down memory lane. Many years ago my boss had four cherry trees. He had a unique method of getting them picked. We would have a dinner at his house and then all pick the cherries. We could each take home a big bowl full.
We deposited ours in the frig. Next day, after work, I came home to have a nice hand full of cherries and the bowl was empty. I called the girls to me and Debe declared that most of them were not good so she threw them out! I'll bet. Lucky for her, she did not get sick.
Micah, my middle grandson, was not so lucky. He loved prunes so we sent a bag home one Sunday evening. The next afternoon he came to play with Grandpa. Good thing they were outside on the grass for the WHOLE bag of prunes he had eaten decided to leave his body just then. He was long out of diapers so Jon just stripped him and hosed him off. Not big deal, but a lesson learned.
We all know that excesses are not good for us. Too much sleep makes you lazy. Too much food makes you heavy. Too many 'spirits' impairs your judgment and messes up your life. Too free a use of credit cards, destroyed your financial freedom.
But I have found one thing you can't over indulge in. Pursuing the Lord. You do get FAT( faithful, available and teachable attitudes). You get an abundance of peace and rest. Being over filled with the Holy Spirit just means that you spill out on others with joy that doesn't give you a hangover. In short, being addicted to Jesus is well, the only safe over-indulgence.

More traffic violators

I was out in my car running errands again at the risk of life and limb. Is it just where I live? If so, maybe I should move.
Today a guy passed me in the turn lane on McHenry , then weaved in and out and in again causing people to slam on brakes and probably mutter at the very least. What was he thinking or was he on a life or death mission?
Next someone two in front of me was in a turn only lane but was not turning and blocked up the whole thing. As I finally got to the front and turned ,I was griping outloud and God said" Well you have done silly things like that too, You are not perfect, either." Now I know that I am not, but I hate being reminded.
Case in point. Yesterday I had lab work done. I stepped up to the desk and gave the receptionist my insurance card and sat back down to read. The next lady stepped up and said" Someone forgot their wallet". Want to venture a guess who that might have been???
Why do I react so to having my flaws pointed out? Have I convinced myself that I am perfect? Probably more to that point, I wish I was. My obsessive habits, I am told, are to make things organized and perfect so life will be easier. But I am finding that being perfect sure takes a lot of energy. It is serious business.
A bigger question is how will I know when I am prefect? When I go a day without messing ups? A week? The checkbook balances, every time. The dinner is delicious, each dish. My anger doesn't rear it's ugly head, ever.
I guess that that is why Jesus came. I never can be perfect but He is and will apply His perfection to my flaws, for eternity. So I can smell the roses and not look for aphids at the same time. I can make a mistake in the checkbook and merely fix it and move on. I can face my besetting sin and know He has to power to transform me.
I vow to relax my slave driving habits and rest in His love and grace.

You choose

When my Gabriel was in preschool, he learned many things. And he was quick to share them with me. Today I was thinking about a couple of them.
1. Cut and choose- One child would cut the snack and the other would get first choice.
2."You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." That is self- explanatory.
So why do I often throw a fit when things don't go the way I wanted or planned? I don't throw it outwardly so others can see, I was trained too well for that. But I do pitch a fit on the inside.
I even sometimes do that with God. When I find that I belong to a club or two that I never signed up for, like chronic pain sufferer. Far better solution? Exercise my right to waive my rights and let God choose and then not throw a fit. It wastes too much precious energy. Besides His plans are for my good and He can be trusted.

Bungee cord!

I am not known for my bravery. I rode the Ferris wheel once to my everlasting dread. I did Space Mountain once at Ruth and Debe's insistence. I thought I was dying and wished I had. What made that worst was the there were no restraints to keep you in and I could not see Debe in the dark and thought she had fallen out. Now even the merry go around seems fast.
I drove the go karts at Camelot once and was chased by Debe and her aggressive friend and will not be battling with Dancia for the Indy 500 title this Sunday.
Today I read that Jesus' redemption is the Bungee cord for the soul. I realized that I had trusted Him with my life and eternity and taken the plunge. So maybe I am braver than I thought!

Quote that touched my heart

Today I read this quote and it opened up a secret hole in my heart that said,' I know what that is like'.
The quote :
'Jesus came in from the shop early to give Mary the news. "John is preaching in the desert". They both knew that their lives would never be the same again. From then on she would have to love her son from a distance; on the edge of a crowd, outside a packed house, on the shore of the sea .'
It hit me that that is how I feel about my Debe. I miss the 'alone together' times, reading a book, playing a game, sharing a confidence. Like Jesus' mother, I have to share her with her family, friends, fellow employees and bloggers. So like the other Mary, I will store the memories in my heart and be thankful I have those times to treasure.

Tattoos

Today I realized that I am prejudiced. I hate to admit it but I couldn't avoid the lesson. We arrived at church tonight and I saw a lovely young woman with a very large tattoo in her upper arm. I looked and then looked away, not wanting to stare but wanting to stare, if you know what I mean. It was covering most of her upper arm and all around it, it seemed.
The service began and then I noticed that she was in the worship team! And she did not have a sweater or shawl to cover up her tattoo.
Then I heard God say to me," Isn't she lovely, praising Me?" In that moment, I got it. I had let what was painted on her arm stop me from seeing her beauty, as though is changed her or devalued her. UGH. I hate seeing my sin.
Really there is nowhere in the Bible that says,' though shalt not have a tattoo' that I know of. I guess it is cultural for my generation.( Though I see many men now my age with new tattoos!)
As I took my walk after church, I remembered a favorite verse which says that God has me( and any child of his) inscribed on the palms of his hands.( Isaiah 49:16) I have thought that that referred to the nail prints but perhaps it's a tattoo!!!!
So I will not judge, I will not judge, I will not judge.

Another funeral

I went to the funeral today of the man I mentioned early this week. I have been to too many this year. And some died too young, in my estimation.
The man who died ,' Chip', worked for the county as a demographer - studying the population of the area in relation to size, density, distribution and vital statistics. He also used his info in working with the transit system.
I had only known him from church. We were in a group called Hopekeepers for people with chronic illness. At the time his wife was dealing with breast cancer returned in the bones in her back. She died just two years ago. But during that time in the group, I got to know Chip and see how much he loved his wife and tenderly cared for her in her last days. It was a safe place for us all to be with people who understood about having an illness we would not recover from.
Today I learned more about Chip. His boss spoke about his work ethic and his love for maps. In fact, that love of maps came up over and over again. He had traveled to most of the US states and had taken his family to several countries to encourage missionaries they had prayed for.
Another fact amazed me. He had memorized Psalm 119 which has 176 verses, the longest in the Bible! He saw it as yet another road map, this one for his spiritual life as each verse talks about God's word.
I came away feeling glad I had known this gentle man, even as I grieved for his son who is now without either parent. David was dearly loved by both of his parents and he admired and loved them in return. We have yet to see what God will do with this young man's life. But God says he has a plan to give him a future and hope.

My secret

I have a secret. Well, it won't be now! Since I medically retired in November 1999 I have dreamed about being back at work at least 3-4 times a month. I asked for a paycheck but so far have been denied. Mostly because the new insurance clerk insists that I while may have been there at work, I did not do any work when I was.
In the above mentioned dreams I have many issues going one. For one thing, I am improperly dressed- certainly not in uniform and often lacking outer clothing! Another recurring theme is that I can't find my time card and am frantic because I know they will not believe that I did work since I didn't clock in. Jon is so tired of hearing about this that he finally had to act in self defense. He brought home a time card last night and I slept with in case I needed it. I am waiting to see how long it takes before I say to myself in the dream, "It's Ok since you have a time card under your pillow".
Haven't you even talked to yourself in a dream? Am I the only one? Shortly after Jon and I were married I had a dream where someone flirted with me and I looked down on my wedding ring and said to myself " ignore that, you are a married woman".
I guess that is what God meant when he talked about having your mind transformed by the Word. It's like having God explain the truth to you, about who you are, his precious child, who He is, Savior, Father, Shepherd and so much more. It's finding from the Bible how to be free from your haunting past or your current emotional pain. I guess it's telling yourself the truth as I find I do in my dreams.
I will let you know if Jon's trick works!

Drive at your own risk

Today I risked life and limb to visit my dear friend Pamela. First, I encountered a farmer on a country road who didn't believe in turn signals. He thought that the road belonged to him and his cows in the trailer. He also was a firm believer in turning left or right without further notice.
Further along I was following an"Oakdale cowboy" who subscribed to the afore mentioned farmer's rules and with no prior warning, like a SIGNAL, slowed traffic to almost a stop before turning.
But the worst event happened on my way home. A pickup two spots behind me decided to pass on a solid yellow line and with an uphill curve coming. Well, I did survive, but barely. I was sure feeling hostile and wondered about a society where no one keeps rules. I, for one, like rules and have been accused more than one of being a 'rule keeper'. But rules are legal precepts made for our good and to be kept, right?
We tried to teach that concept to our girls when they were young. We got out a deck of cards and began to play 'go fish'. But there was a slight twist: each player could determine the rules for himself or herself. As you can imagine, the game ended quickly with raised voices.
God tells us of his tender love for us by the tender boundaries he has given to restrain us for our good. ( ten-der commandments) Like a loving Father he says," Don't cross a solid yellow line, you could cause an accident".
So I have decided two things after today. First, I am staying home tomorrow. Second, it's not so bad being a rule keeper. It could keep you safe.

Turn signals

I have a question or a gripe depending on the way the law reads.
Did they pass a law in California that you do not have to use your turn signals? In my outing today, I seemed to be the only one using signals. Maybe I missed the passage of such a law.
If not, then why do people not use them? It drives me crazy. Worse yet, they often have them on and don't turn or turn the other way!!! I have gotten so cynical that I do not trust anyone's signal anymore.
While I am at it, how about a special signal for u turns? While we were in Santa Monica last year we saw two separate u turns in the middle of the street as though it was regular driving fare! Of course we did see two accidents in about that same amount of time. Maybe the rules don't work there.
Speaking of turns, God allows u turns anytime, no questions asked and no tickets for turning to Him after saying you never would!
Happy and safe driving.

Death

This seems to be the year of those we know dying. I know it happens every day, every year but for us, there have been many. Some we know and some who were related to ones we are close to.
Yesterday it was the Father of a boy my Gabe's age who lost him Mother two years ago this month to breast cancer. My first instinct was to ask WHY God? Hasn't he been through enough?
But then my next thought was that God is who he says he is:
Tender Shepherd
Loving Father
Sovereign Lord
Savior
Comforter
Provider
and much more.
So the dilemma is, what do I believe? My questions and the situation or God himself? I choose to believe that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do- provide and comfort and care for this boy in ways I can't imagine. Like those in Hebrews 11, I choose to believe God and rest my thoughts on Him.
If you think of it, pray for David.

Filoli

Filoli is a made up word for the estate of the Bourn family built in 1917. The house has 36,000 sq. ft! There are 16 acres of formal gardens. It is located in Woodside California ,in the South bay area. Filoli stands for the motto of Mr. Bourn : Fight for a just cause; Love your fellow man; Live a good life. Li Lo Li = Filoli.
If you have not been there, you have really missed something. The house is filled with antiques of the period. You have seen it in several TV series such as Dynasty, as well as movies, like Heaven can wait.
The garden is breathtaking in it's beauty and variety. Actually it is a series of connected gardens, each specializing in some specific species. There are 500 roses. There is the knot garden, nearby, with interlocking patterns of herbs and other plant material. Wisteria climb gates and the house in various places. In the spring, there are thousands of tulips and daffodils.
What does it take to keep this garden up? 14 fulltime gardeners and 100 volunteers. They receive their orders from the head gardener.Wish I had that many working in my yard. Of course, in my yard, they would trip over each other. There is only little ole me to tend the plants, prune them and talk to them. Who do I get my orders from? The head Gardener who tends the garden of my soul, and like me, waters, prunes and talks to me.

Our purpose

One of the purposes that God has given is to become more like Christ. I find that is something I can't do, but have to trust him to make me more like him in character and actions. Today was a lesson of just that sort.
We gathered as a group of people who love gardening and car pooled to the Filoli gardens in Woodside in the Bay Area. Little did I know that it would be a teaching time, as well as a chance to see breathtaking gardens.
There are four basic personality types as you may know-
1. Sanguine - Mr Happy who loves people and talking and is prone to putting his foot in my mouth.
2. Choleric - Mr. Intense who need to control everything and is angry prone
3. Melancholy - Miss Artistic who is prone to depression
4. Phlegmatic - Mr. Nice guy, easy going and prone to be reticent.
Today we seemed to have too many cholerics, each with a different opinion and a couple who brought their children and seemed to both be phlegmatic. Jon was the peacemaker, a great phlegmatic trait, putting out minor fires along the trip.
Such things as not everyone being ready to leave at the same time to where to eat lunch made for an interesting day. How thankful I am that Jon is good at smoothing ruffled feathers.
Now that we are home and very tired, I am thinking about how God develops Christ's character in us. It can't happen in isolation. You need others to rub against. Need to develop patience? Spend time with someone for whom home time seems to stand still. Need to grow in the area of unconditional love? Spend time with someone who grated on your nerves. Spiritual maturity is learning to love like Jesus and you can't practice being like Jesus without being in relationships with others.
This Melancholy and her Phlegmatic spouse are signing off for now.
Tomorrow I will tell you about the gardens.

Self righteous

I was at my self-righteous worst today. The event? I was watering in the backyard, tenderly talking to my plants, when all of a sudden, the water pressure dropped to almost nothing. I just figured that it was the washing machine. Just then the sprinklers popped up in the little stretch of actual flower bed and I realized that that was the cause of the decrease of pressure.
Now, if they were on a timer, it would be no big deal. But they are NOT. No siree, my hero had just turned them on WHILE I was watering!!!! I stopped my watering and headed in the house until the sprinklers were turned OFF by my hero.
Under my breath I muttered,' Couldn't he see that I was watering???' Then I heard the Spirit say to me,'Haven't you ever turned on the tap in the kitchen while Jon is in the shower, not realizing or meaning to decrease his shower pleasure?' UGH. The Holy Spirit was right. I hate being self-righteous when I know that I am not without sin either. No stone throwing for me today.

Rescue on the way

Rescue - to remove from imminent danger by swift or vigorous action.
Jon is known as a rescuer. He rescued our dog from certain death at the pound by bringing him home to a happy place. One more day and his life would have been over as the dog catcher was coming in the morning.
He rescued Debe time and time again from transportation crises.
He has rescued me from myself more times than I care to mention. I can get 'beside myself' with stress or frustration . I occasionally seem on the way off the diving board into the deep end emotionally. He gives me a reality check and saves the day.
But his latest rescue was my coleus . I brought a six pak and planted them in a pot. I love their variety of color and texture. My plan was to bring them in each night so that the snails would not eat them down to nubs in the night, ignoring their beauty.
Well, the other night, I forgot to bring them in until I was already in bed. Jon dashed outside and grabbed the pot. He carried to the center of the yard to make sure that there were no snails or slugs already eating. And wouldn't you know- there were two snails climbing up the pot! As he shifted the pot to one hand to dethrone the enemies, the pot slipped and dumped the contents on the cement. There he was, in his underwear, with the wind whipping around him, replanted the coleus tenderly. What a man.
Jesus likewise came to rescue us from the enemy of our soul who wants to chew us up and spit us out. He, the Lord of Glory, came Himself, as a helpless baby, with the constraints of time and space. He did all that for us. He is truly unique beyond compare.

It's all about attitude

You know that we have been battling a rebellious computer. Several experts have tried to tame it but alas, it is impossible. Who knows what goes wrong with a computer? Though mechanical, they do have a mind of their own. Then there is operator error, of which I am an expert. Add to that the joy some get in sending stuff to slow, mess up or destroy a computer and you have the recipe for my computer's demise.
So this weekend found us in the stores shopping prices and comparing stuff I don't have a clue about. We finally decided on a 'good deal' and made our way to the cash register. As I filled out paper work, Jon was ruminating on this situation, the frustration and the expense . Then he turned to me brightly and said,
"We will just consider that we took a vacation this week and this is what it cost!"
The clerk was amazed and totally misunderstood.
" So where did you go on your vacation?"
" To CompUSA" I replied, laughing.
The clerk and the salesman both looked at us and commented on how well we related to each other.
"How long have you been married?" the salesman asked.
" 32 years" I answered, to the shock of both young people.
I thought to myself, 'and this is an example of why. Jon may fume and fuss but in the end, he is able to turn a situation to the positive side.'
Paul said," In everything give thanks."
I find that challenging but my husband's example calls me to follow him as he follows Christ.

Why?

Yesterday I saw a movie on the Milky Way. I was overwhelmed at the complexity and beauty of the 'night sky'. It said that the number of stars in our galaxy is the same as the number of grains of sand on all the beaches of the world. Now that is more than I can take in.
So the question that bubbled up in my heart is the same one the David asked thousands of years ago.
" What is man that you( God) are mindful of him?"
We are at best a tiny microbe in comparison to the universe and yet God says He cares about me and He carries me close to His heart. He chose me, adopted me, poured His grace in me, redeemed me and forgave me.
I don't get it but I am ever grateful.

Though... yet

My paraphrase of Habakkuk 3:17,18
Though I deal with chronic pain that robs me of energy and rest,
though my children and grandchildren live out of town and I miss them so,
Though my self-centeredness is a besetting sin that only God can alter,
yet, I will rejoice in the Lord and be joyful in God my Savior.

He makes the difference in the equation.

Running after

Yesterday we took in the Galt market, kind of a combination of retail goods and flea market. We saw all kinds of things for sale, like underwear 5x$10.00.( real quality!) We saw lots a silk flowers, wood signs and furniture, paintings, clothing, tshirts and boy were there lots of sox booths. Of course I had to have a bag of popcorn.
We bought some blooming plants and finally headed for the car. I had so wanted a fuschia but never saw one, until a lady walked by with three! I chased after her and tripped over a stroller to get to her. I taped her on the shoulder only to discover she did not speak English. I was not closer to finding out where she got those lovely fuschias.
I was so disappointed. I had really wanted one and had not worried about running after the lady or tripping or appearing funny.
Today as I was watering my new hanging lobeila and pink 'sun pleasure'hanging petunia, I thought about how silly it was to pursue that lady so wanting what she had. Oh that I would pursue God with such abandon!

Guarantee?

Well, wouldn't you know, the computer is fried and beyond the guarantee time. (I am using an old dinasaur which may lock up at any time. So ,if I am missing in action, you will know why.) Anyway, the prognosis for the thing is not good. We are going to try a new hard drive but may have to just get a new 'brain' altogether.( wish they had one for me too!!).What good is a guarantee anyway? Jon says we paid $250.00 and never used it or needed it until now. But it's expired.( like the computer)
I was thinking about guarantees this morning on my walk. When I expire I have a guarantee and I did not have to pay for it. The computer guarantee was limited to certain things- so what ails if would not have applied anyway. But my guarantee is good for the ultimate- death. And Jesus paid for it will his life blood.
So, unlike my comptuer, I am all set for the very worst that can happen!
Now if I can just get the piece of technology fixed.