I'm in recovery

On the shopping trip I mentioned yesterday with Deborah and Mick, I was appalled with the mess in every aisle at the store. Take the sweater department. There were XL sweaters on the small shelf and not just a few. All the sweaters on that small shelf were XL. We never did find ANY smalls.
Or how about the shirts- long and short sleeve all mixed together, let alone separated sizes. The racks were all helter skelter. I found myself organizing the rack as Mick tried on some shirts. I took the long sleeves back to their rack and so on. I grew more and more overwhelmed. I have to walk away saying to myself:
" I am in recovery.
I am in recovery.'
But the underwear, or 'men's furnishings department' pushed my OCD over the edge. The whole aisle was mixed up mismatched, shoved here and there. I do not think it just happened that morning either. How can they run a store like that? It made my head explode, well almost.
At the checkout, I lined up the boxes of jelly bellys, much to the dismay of my family.
Due to a sweater emergency,( ask her about it) Deborah and I have to dash to Mervyn's to find a top. No problem . She is a good shopper and found two right away. While she tried them on, I tried to avoid looking at the piles of mixed up clothes.
"I'm in recovery, I'm in recovery" I told myself louder than before.
She exited the dressing room, all smiles. Both fit and the prices were right.
Then it hit us, the great long lines- about 30 people deep at each checkout.
" Let's just go Mom, I'm hungry".
That is when I knew I WAS in recovery . I grabbed her tops and dumped them wherever. She rushed out behind me, dumbfounded.
God loves order too, but he does not need to organize to achieve it. He brings it when he shows up.
Sometimes he calms the storm. Sometimes he calms his child. He speaks peace to his people. He extends peace to every man. He is the source of peace through Christ.
Real recovery for me is to have the peace of God, that peace which passes all understanding, even in the midst of a helter skelter world.

Black Friday

I was so proud of myself and that should have been the warning. I read an article on Thursday before the family arrived about Black Friday. I had never heard the term before and this piece explained that is it called Black Friday because people get up to shop while it is still black. I could not wait to share that with someone.
My chance came when my son in law and grandson were heading out early Friday to shop ‘til they dropped. I imparted my jewel of info and found I was all wrong. It is called that because if merchants have been in the red all year, this is the day they will find their finances in the black. I sure felt dumb.
Another thing in the article I read was that 47% said that they were shopping for themselves , not for gifts. That was enlightening to me. I always thought it was the beginning of the Christmas shopping season. Well, I guess, it is for one half of the population.
I have to admit that I was out in that crowd briefly with Deborah and Mick. And true to the article they purchased things they needed, like sox and underwear. Not very exciting, not near as exciting as the Jeremy and Gabe shopping experience.
That afternoon we found in the mail a catalog for gift giving. Nothing new, as we have been getting them for a couple of weeks. But this catalog was unique. It was for giving gifts to the poor of the world whom we do not know but who need more than another video game or new camcorder. In truth we are so rich in this country, even the poorest citizens.
We are excited about giving some fish or chickens to meet the needs of a village . Jesus said that it the means most when you give to someone who can’t give in return. In so doing, you are giving unto Him.
There was talk between Deborah and I about going to deliver our livestock( she is partial to goats). What a life changing experience that would be. Stay tuned for an update on this.

Is it just me?

Today has been one of those days. Jon and I just have not been on the same ’page’.
It began OK. I read Psalm 108 and rejoiced that God is my deliverer. I even sang a song about that- one the Rich Mullins wrote just before his death:
My deliverer is coming
My deliverer is standing by.

Well, that is part of it anyway.
Then I even got to go back to bed and nap before Breakfast. ( smile)
After taking Buddy to the park, we headed out on errands.
First we went the store to gather last minute things for tomorrow. Next I begged for Jon to stop at the nursery to get a gift for the hostess tomorrow. That is when the trouble began. I was just going to grab a cyclamen and pay. Jon browsed other things and we settled on a kalanchoe. So I put my plant back only to discover that the plant he picked was more expensive than what I had selected. So I went to retrieve the cyclamen and Jon appeared with a candle.
“ Hey, this is on sale ½ off. How about this in a gift bag? You would have to have a basket of the cyclamen. Do you have one??”
Did I mention that the candle was three dollars more than the cyclamen? And I was not SURE I had a basket at home. So candle it was.
Well ,on to the next stop, we browsed the antique shops for night stands and found nothing. Well, that is not quite true. I found a cute card, just right for Pamela with her surgery coming up. I asked Jon for the $2.25 since I had not cash.
“ You have cards at home ,don’t you?”
Well, of course I did, but that was not the point.
Oh well. Not worth making a federal case over.
Then on to one more place and bingo, we found the night stands AND lamps too at such a good price.
We had to take two trips to get the stuff home. After trip number 1, I took out stuff for lunch, including hot dogs from the freezer- a rare treat for Jon, not me. ( UGH!)
We unloaded the second night stand and I went up to place the lamps in the ‘red room’. Jon began his lunch and he had peanut butter and jelly.( not hot dogs)
Later we napped, though I really needed to be cleaning for company. But my eyes felt so heavy and the nap revived me.
Then Jon wanted help with a business project. We sat and began filling in paperwork. It required a check and I had brought one checkbook and he looked at me like I was crazy and said, “not that one.”
Well, how was I supposed to know? He must have thought the info in his head. I sure did not get the message.
Then dinner was another joke. I grabbed some veggies and added onions, garlic, and stewed tomatoes. I found some leftover shrimp and stirred in at the last minute and topped with parmesan cheese. Slices of potato& Rosemary bread complemented the meal. Add fresh fruit with cool whip. Yumo! Well, I thought so . Seems that Jon thought the shrimp was yucky and gave it to the dog( who did not mind!)
I claimed he was grumpy but maybe it was me. Maybe I had an unspoken agenda just like he did. Well, not maybe, I did. Why is it that we hate in others what we do ourselves.
Jesus talked about that.
Once there was a man who thought he was so wise
That he tried to give his friend just a little advice
But he could not get near him no matter how he tried
For a big log was poking from his eye.
Let me try, let me try
Let me try to take the splinter from your eye.
But he could not get near him, not matter how he tried
For a big log was poking from his eye.
Well, off to rinse my eyes out.

New tool

I am so excited. I now have a tool of my own in the garage. Jon may have his huge tool box and smaller boxes with various gadgets in them. But my tool is unique and hangs in a place of prominence on the garage wall.
So what is all the excitement?
First let me tell you that while I love my new laminated floors, they have a problem. Well, the problem is not the floors but our beloved Buddy and is continuous shedding is the problem. With the carpet, I did not see the dog hairs. They just dropped unnoticed into the depth of the carpet never to be seen again. So unassuming. But the laminated floors reveal every dog hair, and there are way too many.
It seems as soon as I drag out the central vacuum hose, plug it in the wall and clean up the hair, more appears. But I don’t see it until I have put the hose away. UGH! HELP!
Well, worry no more for Jon, my hero, bought me a cordless rechargeable lightweight vacuum. It is as light as a broom and cleans up just a quick., without a crazy dust pan. Today I collected enough dog hair for the filter to make a pillow. In fact, maybe that will be the family Christmas presents. Pillows stuffed with Buddy’s hair. I am styling and cleaning . I am so impressed with the ease and efficiency that I should approach them to do an ad!
Did you know that God has tools too? Those tools are his children. He uses us to do his work- share his love, meet needs, give a hug or a cup of cold water. For me this next week, I am going to be a tool to bring love to an extended family on Thanksgiving. I hope to bring goodies too. I am so aware that I am His tool, created for just such a time as this. I hope that he is as proud of me as I am of my new tool.

Rubies

I just learned that rubies are more valuable than diamonds! They are also more rare. Most come from Burma and most are processed through the Thailand trading center. The deeper red the stone, the more it is worth. So rare, so valuable.
I found that God talks about rubies too!
An excellent( capable) wife, who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
If diamonds are a girl's best friend, then a ruby( wife) is a man's best friend!
Wait until I tell this to Jon!

Knitting

I has been said that I am craft challenged.
I am not allowed to have a sewing machine because of a hideous skirt I made years ago. Indeed it was hideous and probably could have made it in the Guinness book of records. The worst part it is that I wore it to church on Easter Sunday , humiliating my husband and myself.
My mom paid for sewing lessons when I was in elementary school. I fear she wasted her money. I can sew on buttons and darn a sock, but that is about it. Well, except for the expected apron in High School. That too would have been better left unworn.
I tried counted cross stitch, but it made my eyes goofy.
I did learn to crochet while we lived in Idaho out of necessity since the gals gathered and crocheted and I had nothing to do with my hands( Maybe I should have taken up smoking instead?). The problem is that my rows tended to increase and decrease randomly.
Years ago my mother also taught me to knit but I found it boring so gave up.
About 1 1/2 years ago my dear friend Denise encouraged me to knit and I began with a scarf. It was so easy and fast that thus began the year everyone in my friendship list got one. I have graduated to baby afghans and lap blankets and other things.
I have discovered how relaxing it is, while watching TV( as long as it is not a mystery where I have to pay attention to every detail). I even can knit and 'read' by listening to the book on CD!
The key is the pattern. Being Obsessive/ Compulsive I have a chart so that I will not lose my place and ruin the pattern. I mark off when I have finished each row so I an put it down and pick it up again at the right spot.
I wish I could say that I never make mistakes! HA! It is not funny how you can know something and forget it the next time you pick up the work. That happened recently with a dish cloth I am making. I forgot how to carry the second color yarn until I needed it. Denise had to help me twice. Once on the phone and once in person. I have it down again now. Well, I think I have.
Today I thought, once again, about how David describes God as a knitter too! Check this out:
'You formed my inward parts. You knit me together in my Mother's womb.'
God knits with a pattern in mind- His. I prayed thanking God that when he knit me together, the 'flaw' in my pancreas was not a mistake but part of the grand design he made. That makes me think of the afghan I made for Jenn's baby which had 'holes' around the border. They were planned holes, part of the pattern.
While at times it feels like that 'poor plumbing', as Jon calls it, is a mistake, I know that God's pattern was 'flawless' and with David I choose to say:
I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. My soul knows it full well.

One day

What a difference a day makes.
Wednesday we thought Buddy was going to die of diabetes soon. We grieved and hugged him. We could not imagine how we would face the loss. It was too overwhelming
Buddy, on the other hand, played this for all it was worth.
Signs:
Weight loss - he opted for big pots of food like the Iditarod dogs to up his weight though the doctor said not to do that.
Extra thirst- though it may only be that his new water bowl is smaller
Needing to go out more- perhaps to check of cats
his ugly eye - truly UGLY
Yesterday we rejoiced that he only had a urinary infection( caught from Deborah's Lola???)
As to his eye- time will tell.
The Bible says, as your day is, so will your strength be. I tend to want to have the strength to face the loss today when I do not need it.
So once again I vow to stand on God's promise he will be there and be my strength when that time comes.
One day.

Hypocrite

I have been pondering hypocrites.
I know that the term comes from play actors or mask wearers. Playing a part that is not really them. Pretending to be someone they are not.
Recently I accused Jonah of being a hypocrite. He tells the sailors that he' worships the Lord, the God of heaven who made the sea and the land.' Yet, if that was true, he why is he running for God when he makes that statement?
As I thought about hypocrisy this morning in my time with the Lord, He reminded me of a season of my life when I said I was one kind of person and lived like another- a time that brings shame to me now. How easy hypocrisy is, in reality. It is the symptom of a civil war in the soul.
My father had many sayings. This one fits here:
'Do as I say, not as I do.'
That is the motto of a hypocrite.
Or is it the warning of the honest believer who finds that sometimes, and in some areas, he loses the battle against sin?
So be careful when you judge a person as a hypocrite. Check you own life first.

Newsflash

Unknown Bible Study leader reveals that she struggles with self focus and spiritual pride. She loves the Lord and knows Him from their daily time together. She longs to obey Him. She has grown in knowing God's character and sees how far short she falls of it. She knows that she is
unworthy
unholy
unable to stand before God's throne
Her sin is no less vile than her previous battle with immorality. She know she does not deserve God's grace, but then no one does. It is free.
John Newton, slave trader, slave rapist, and infidel wrote:
'Amazing grace
how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.'
Paul too looks to that same grace as the only answer for not only his initial salvation but the civil war in his soul, now. He says:
'Wretched man that I am
Who will rescue me from this body of death?'
He describes that war, knowing God so intimately and loving him so fiercely and longing to please him completely and yet failing again and again.
God on the other hand, keeps extending his grace to John, to Paul, to the unknown Bible study leader and to you.
Grace

God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense

Let me in

Yesterday was a tiring day. It was my first day to watch my new great grandson and he is great!!! Just ask his paternal Grandma. But this is not about him. That just gives background to the rest of the day.
After Jacob went home at 6 PM I had two important errands to run. First off I had to go to OSH to get some bulbs for the garden club workshop today. But that too is another story.
My second stop was Hallmark. I needed a birthday card for Jacob's Dad who turns 18 tomorrow. It was about 8:10 and I was hopeful they were still open since I saw ladies inside. The door was locked and they opened it just so wide and asked my name. I thought, ' Well,this is new. Maybe they are greeting all their gold crown customers since it is the holiday season.'
I gave my name and they searched the list on the clipboard.
' How do you spell that?'
That made me nervous.
A closer check of the list revealed that I was NOT on it.
UGH.
" Are you here with the VIP tour?"
" No" I said.
I felt so unimportant, almost like an ant.
"Well, we are not open to the general public." Lock went the door.
I was out in the cold and they were inside having full access to the birthday cards, no less.
I ranted and raved to myself on the way home, empty handed. Even more so because the stop at OSH yielded no bulbs!
Last night as we lay in bed and I recounted this for the 100th time, I wondered if that is what the 'pearly gate' scene will be like. God opening the book and looking for my name. Asking if I am a VIP.
My answer:
Well, I am not a VIP but I am with one- Jesus.
And yes, my name is in the Lamb's book of life, written in his blood.
On second thought, I don't think that God will have to look me up in his book at all.
He knows my name.
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And hears me when I call.
He is the' God who sees me' to Hagar.
The one who knows each word I am going to say before I say it to David.
All such intimate knowing means that God will not have to look me up. He will know me and have sent for me.
Bonus thought:
I wonder is my dear Mother in Law will have the clipboard at the gate and hug me crying" we have been waiting for you"?

Forgive

Something triggered a painful event in my past today. I had to once again choose to forgive the persons involved. In so doing, I set a prisoner free and discovered that the prisoner was me!

Obsessed

Today at the library I picked up a copy of the official episode guide for MONK. I do really like that show. Partly I guess, because Jon and I can relate in small ways.
Most recently , I can see that in the new cottage shutters. We purchased the new vinyl kind to replace the old wood ones that were falling apart. I was , and still am excited about the ease of opening and cleaning. No more fear of them falling out of the wall and onto the floor.
But with the shutters came a new routine for the head of the house. He checked on how they looked outside and now takes a tour each morning to open them at just the right slant. I have caught myself coming by and opening them wider for more light. That is what my friend Pamela would do, I am sure. Probably Gabriel too.
But to calm his compulsion, I have decided to leave them alone - at least while he is home!
I wondered to myself if God has a obsession. Then it hit me, of course He does. We, his creation, are his obsession. He will do whatever it takes to draw us in close to Himself. He checks routinely to see where we are. Not to record our failures or successes but to determine what we need to bring closer to Him. He is passionate about us, intent on fellowship with us, committed to loving us and being faithful even when we are faithless! Nothing will deter Him. Now that is a real obsession.