What's important?

Funny how self-centered I can be. Shocking really. My computer crashed and is in the shop. I was so worked up until God reminded me of how childish that was. He brought the folllowing prayer needs to my mind, greater than my stupid and stubborn computer:
My dear friend Pamela who just lost her husband
Little Serafina, age 2 who needs a heart transplant ASAP to live
The Cassady family who just lost their wife and Mom.
I can't change myself. But Lord, I know you can. So I'm putting all on the altar so you can alter, all that I am

How deep?

I read recently about the Edwards Aquifier in South Texas. Like all things in Texas, it is big. It is an underground cavern of crystalline water. It is 175 miles in length. Many other things are known about it. But no one knows how deep it is. Or the number of gallons. It is unmeasurable! They use it and depend on it and would perish without it but they can't measure it!
That brings to mind the unfathomable pool of God's love. We can't drink too deeply. Some of us need it more than others but it never runs dry. Only God knows the depths of that love and he showed it at Calvary. Nothing can keep you from His love except your will to avoid it. Think about it.

Perfect?

I have this overwhelming need to be perfect. If you know me well , you will not be surprised to hear that! It shows up when I least expect and I am never glad to feel it. Yesterday it related to my computer. To say that I am in preschool as far as understanding my computer would be an understatement. My brother is a whiz, to say the least and both of my son-in-laws are too, as well as our girls. But I am always afraid I will break it, blow it up, lose the memory or something.
But to me, falls the task to maintaining it is good running order since Jon is a 'grade' behind me in this. Now, like the woman who cleans her house before the housekeeper arrives, I decided that yesterday I needed to do what I could before my son-in-law arrived to discover why it's running slow.
I had been getting an indecipherable note about my virus protection so decided to start there. Well, I searched the HELP stuff and tried what they said, but couldn't find the tab they referred to, etc. I could feel myself getting more and more uptight and ready to throw things. I am by nature a pacifist except in the case of computer problems. I have been know to jerk the printer around, for example and throw a real fit, though I declare that I do not froth at the mouth.
Back to yesterday. I decided to do an update on the virus protection and that actually worked, though it took an hour ! Then they suggested I run a scan so I did. But it did not finish until 2 :00. No problem, I was so upset about the whole thing that I wasn't sleeping.
The good news is that it did install correctly and I fixed that one problem. On a roll, I decided to do defrag too. It worked too!
Now what is the lesson I asked myself? I hear myself say to Buddy all the time, don't get yourself worked up for nothing. Or to say it in my grandson's language, 'Don't get your boxers in a bunch'. I guess for me, it is a case of 'do as I say but not as I do!'
God never wanted us to be perfect and in fact knew that we could never come close. He knows that I am frail and so treats me with compassion. Guess I had better treat me that way too. There are worse things than not knowing everything and being able to do everything perfectly.
Now I hope that my son-in-law doesn't find too many imperfect things that I have done!!! But if he does, I will remember that it's good to be reminded that I'm not perfect so I can stop trying to be. It is so tiring.

My rose bush

Two springs ago I ordered a rose bush online. It is Dr. Van Fleet, a southern favorite. It is a climber and can grow to 20 feet high and 20-30 feet wide. I planted it behind my fence and watched for it to drape over with it's lovely blossoms of soft pink that deepen to blush pink and even semi- red.
Well, no roses peeked over the fence. In fact, no roses grew at all. I was so disgusted but not wanting to waste the money spent and hating to 'kill' a living thing, I stuffed it in a pot and brought it to my patio, that fall. I pruned it as it grew last spring, severely at times. Well it made lovely leaves, lots of them But nary a rose. Jon wanted to ditch it or give it to Ruth 'the rose queen'. But again, I hated to face defeat.
Well, I am happy to report that this year, it is covered with lots of buds and the first one is about to open. I am so excited, and glad that I did not give up. Perhaps it needed a third chance.
God has given me second and third chances,too, over and over. I have a character defect( self-centeredness) that I hate and want so to change, but to no avail. In fact, the harder I try, the worse it seems to get. But God is the faithful, patient gardener and I am beginning to see a bud or two in that area of my life. Like I did to the rose bush, he has pruned and fertilized and waited and now there is a glimmer of hope that I will finally remember that life is not about me, but about God and others. Maybe someday someone can describe me as a vigorous thriving Christian, no longer stunted and lacking fruit.

Another funeral

Yesterday we were part of another funeral. This was for a lovely young woman who just turned 40, one year older than our oldest daughter. She lost a 2 year battle with cancer. Because of her faith, it was a celebration her 'graduation'. But the loss for this young family is very real.
She left behind a 16 year old daughter, who sang at her funeral. She also left a 12 year old son who played his sax at the funeral . Lastly she left a 2 year old girl who will forget who her Mommy was in the years to come. The loss for the children caused me to weep. Then I thought about the loss for her Mom and realized that is could have been me and I really wept.
The husband she left behind to raise her children is grieving too and yet, he shared that by' endurance, they will prevail' in the days and weeks to come, knowing she is waiting in Heaven for them, safe from the pain and agony she had faced. I know that he rests in the Sovereign hand of God, trusting that God's plan for them is to give a future and a hope.
If you have a spouse, count each day as precious, they could be gone all too soon.
If you have kids, hug them when you can, tell them how you love them and how proud you are of them. Don't wait. If you have parents, don't think they will always be there. They won't. 100% will die at some point. Tell them now that you love them and resolve issues if necessary. Tomorrow may be too late.
Enough said.

Promises

The Sunday ads held the answer to my hose problem. The hose in the courtyard has two problems. One, it leaks like a sieve. Secondly, the nozzle has several settings but the shut off setting no longer works. Makes for quite a messy time of watering. I ed up just as wet as my plants.
So the ad promised just the thing. One of those hoses that is curly and never tangles. The further bonus was a new nozzle. So today we headed to Rite Aid( I have always thought that that was a stupid name!) this morning, after yet another outdoor shower.
First off, we could not find any. It seems they never received any and did not expect to receive any at all! They called the other store, but they had sold all of theirs and did not know if they would get anymore. I was disgusted. Then I spotted the fine print in the newspaper ad: Not all items at every store!
So I guess I will have to deal with my deficient hose again tomorrow.
Unlike the newspaper ad, God keeps all of his promises. No need for a rain check! If he says it, he will do it. Depend on it. I do!

Adult ADD

ADD is the buzz word of the educational system these days. I know at least one boy, who is dear to me ,that has been given this label. As I was surfing the net, I came across a list of symptoms for adults. They were eye opening:
Lack of focus( DUH!)
disorganized
restlessness
difficulty completing projects
losing things frequently
often loses track of time
chronic procrastinator
Underneath they added:
Frequent, involuntary wandering of attention.
There are many ideas on how to deal with ADD, not the least of which is a new group of drugs that give the brain a way to focus on what is important and filter out what are just background issues.
Many adults I know, even me at times, also struggle with lost focus. But the thought came to me, that there must be spiritual ADD too. I know so many friends who want to read the Bible but can't seem to get to it. Or they want to complete a Bible Study but begin only to find that they don't have the drive to finish. Or worse yet, they read the Bible but forget what they have read as soon as they close the cover. How about prayer. Many, including me, struggle with wandering attention when they begin to pray. I think about the chicken I forgot to take out for dinner, or the laundry I need to tend to. I am glad that God knows that we are frail and the relationship depends on Him, not my performance. He reaches out to me always, hears my heart when my words don't come and sends the Holy Spirit as my power source when I can't 'get it together'. That's way better than a pill and there are no bad side effects.

Contentment

This weekend we took the Garden Club tour of several homes in our area. One was like a country garden in England. From the white picket fence to the profusion of climbing roses, your senses were treated to one surprise after another. Both the house and the yard had large arrangements of cut flowers to add to the beauty.
The next two houses were restored cottages with unique touches in both the house and gardens. Both had master bedrooms' to die for.' One had a swimming pool with mechanical fish in it which looked so real you had to bend close to check them out. The gardens in each had a profusion of different flowers. One even had a sitting area in the dressing room that overlooked the yard so you could enjoy them on a cold day.
Another house had a garden with a Tuscany feel. There were masses of roses and large pots with luscious plants. A unique touch was the blue marbles in the white bird bath.
One house had each area like a sitting area with a different theme. Almost like interior design outdoors.
One house was mostly pots and lattice-work with lots of climbing vines.
I admitted to a friend that I was feeling covetous, but upon returning home to my tranquil patio, I felt thankful and content.
Contentment is wanting what you have not having what you want!

Directions please

Why do men resist directions? Today Jon took his new Weed-Eater over the fence to whack down the weeds around our trees. The city will be through soon to spray weeds and last year they got our trees and we lost one. So a little prevention is in order.
When Jon turned the thing on, it did not start. I sweetly asked if he had read the directions. Wrong question! So I walked back around to the house and threw over the instructions. Soon I heard the contraption running noisily.
Now, I want to know why he did not read the information first? Am I just so insecure that I have to study it all out before I use something new? Or is there something more going on here?
As I mumbled about this to myself later in the day, I thought about how God must feel that same way. He wrote an instruction manual for us and we all, men and women alike tend to run life without it. Yet, it tells about how to have joy when under pressure, peace in the midst of tension, patience when dealing with frustrating situations and fellowship when lonely. Guess I had better take my own advice and check out God's instructions for patience.

It's all about attitude

What a day we had on Tuesday. Jon had a Doctor's appointment late morning. We arrived and they did not have us on the schedule. He did not like the time it was scheduled for anyway so he was willing to reschedule. But they said,' no, here you are!' Jon just grumbled to me that I had better not schedule at this time again. I should have known better.
The office was very full for the end of the morning. That should have been our first clue. If Jon did not have to be at work in 1 and 1/2 hours this all would have been a 'so what.'
He put his paperwork in the tray and we found a seat. The magazines were outdated and that was bad enough but the next thing was enough to push us right over the edge. The pizza deliver guy came through with big boxes for the whole staff. The smell was so good. That precipitated a line of nurses and staff coming and going with pizza and a drink. We began to involve the other patients waiting in plots to grab the next slice. It sure livened things up, though we never did get any pizza.
Then Jon said 'it's so hot in here. Perhaps I can prop the door open'.
The other patients gave their input but to no avail. We just had to sweat and drool.
Next he noticed a set of buttons.
' Maybe this is the thermostat'. Turned out it the security alarm. Not a bad idea since no one was at the desk now.( I wonder where they were???) But it was decided that that might get us thrown out and be a waste of the time we had already invested.
" How about the fuse box just over there? Throw the switch and they would come out for sure." Jon does not give up easily. But someone commented that the Doctor might be in the middle of a procedure and that could be disastrous. So one more plot down.
Next a patient came out and then passed out. That brought several staff to pick him up and wheel him back to the inner sanctum.
"Hey, I could try that too". Jon was getting really desperate now. " Just a thought".
Finally the patients began to be called in, one by one. I guess the pizza was gone. We got in one hour late and Jon was one hour late to work.
What prompted me to tell this at all was the way Jon adjusted his attitude. He was upset at the office, upset at me, upset at the situation. But he did a quick adjustment and began to find ways to entertain himself and the other patients. I accused him of being like his grandson Gabriel!
Jon started out grumbling and complaining and then, like the son in the parable Jesus told, he decided to do the right thing.The story goes like this. A Father asked two sons to go out in the field to work. The first one said 'sure Father' and never did. The second one said,' I don't want to' but later went and did his share of the work. Jesus asked his listeners 'who did the will of the Father?" Of course, the second one.
Jon is a example to me of a man who is real but conscious of pleasing God too. I Hope that I can remember that the next time things in my life get goofed up.

Be prepared

Today as I was leisurely drying off from my shower, the phone rang. Now that is not such a big deal, except that Jon was shaving, so I had to run and grab the phone myself. Guess who was on the other end???? Three guesses. Give up?
ARNOLD! To think, I was talking to the governor in the nude. I was so glad that he was not able to see my' old lady body'. UGH!
He was calling to make sure that I filled out my petition and mailed it back. He said that he was counting on me to do my part and help keep CALYFORNIA great.
Jon just laughed and laughed. When I called to tell Ruth, she laughed so hard she had to hang up. I wonder why they were laughing???
Anyway, I just though about how a good Girl Scout should always be prepared. My problem is that I was a Campfire Girl. I guess that I will have to keep a towel by the phone from now on, just in case.
And a good Believer should be prepared too. Paul says again and again,' be alert.' Alert for the evil one's tricks. Alert for chances to do random acts of kindness. Alert for Jesus' soon return.
Remember, be prepared.

Where does it come from?

I am still thinking about the need we have to love others, especially those difficult people that we all have in our lives. You know, the one who out talks you in any 'discussion'. That one who always has to have the last word and by their own estimate is always right about everything. Or for you it may be the person who dispenses the silent treatment for offenses, real or supposed.
Well, you get my point. They are the people that I wish I had more love for but seem to lack it. I know that God loves them but at times, I can't seem to love them or even like them, no matter how hard I try.
Then I read this thought:
You can't become more like Christ in isolation. You learn to love like Jesus by being in a relationship with difficult people. WOW! I don't know about you, but that hit me between the eyes. I guess the point is that you interact with a person who 'goes against the grain' and you realize that left to yourself there is no way you can act kindly toward them. So you go to Jesus and ask him to love them through you.
When I have been brave enough to pray that way, the change has been amazing. As I sense God's love for me, it gives me a new perspective and I find that they are just like me in so many ways. This prickly one has needs like me, has had disappointments like me, and needs love just like me. I'm so glad that I do not have to manufacture the love I lack and that God will willingly give it to me.

What is love?

Recently I was talking with a friend who is going through a challenging time with her granddaughter whom she has raised since a very young age. Her post-teen, whom we shall call Abby, has been rude, thoughtless and ungrateful, to name a few of the actions that are causing my friend to feel weighed down. This bubbly young woman who was once a cuddly little girl is now wanting the privileges of the over 21 and none of the responsibilities. Sound familiar?
As I remember those days with my girls , I also remember what I felt was vital in the midst of the battles, LOVE. The relationship was more important than the current issue. Now how do you define that?
Paul did that for us:
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.( is not self- centered)
love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut.
Doesn't have a swelled head.
Doesn't force itself on others.
Isn't always,'me first'.
Doesn't fly off the handle.
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others.( ouch)
Doesn't revel when others grovel.
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
Puts up with anything.( but not to the point of physical pain)
Trusts God always.
Always looks for the best.( though it may take a microscope)
Never looks back.( forgives and lets it go)
Keeps going to the end.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 from the Message
I know that I have a long way to go. In fact, only Jesus can fill this list all the time. But as I depend on him to fill my life, I hope that more of this begins to show to those I love, beginning with my family.
It may not change Abby but I know it will bring peace to my friend's heart to love her granddaughter as God has loved her, unconditionally.

Who cares?

This morning as Buddy and I began our early morning walk I came upon the evidence that 'the cat' had done real damage during the night. There were dozens of soft cream colored feathers under the pansies in the front yard. I felt so sad. I have come to love the little birds that come to my yard. To think that one was demolished while I slept. Funny that Buddy slept through it too.
So who cares you might say. One little bird is not that important. But to God it is. Jesus said that God knows when one sparrow falls.
But there is another thought in that passage that is vital to know. We are more valuable to God than the sparrows. I know that I have days when I fell about as unimportant as that little one who died under the pansies in my yard. Yet God says he cares about me deeply and knows even the number of hairs on my head! Now that is the extent of God's attention to the details of my life. Why? Because he loves me so much. He loves you that way too. Never forget that.
So if this is a day you are feeling very small, remember you are precious and dearly loved the Father. That gives you a value no one can take away.

The pansy

As I was working in my yard yesterday, I noticed that weeds had sprung up in the cracks of the driveway. I decided to attack them with my burst of energy. As I worked my way along the line between the driveway and the sidewalk, I had to yank hard on the weeds and avoid the millions of ants that I had disturbed. They seem to have built their home there! Down the row I came upon a tiny pansy growing in the crack, with it's purple face upturned to the sun. Obviously some bird had dropped a seed and it had sprouted and bloomed. I was careful to weed around it and warn Jon to be careful and not run over it with his car.
This pansy made me think of the parable that Jesus told of the sower and the seed.
Some of the seed fell on the path and birds snatched it up and it was gone.
Some of the seed fell on the rocky places and it sprang up quickly. But because the soil was shallow, when the sun came up, it scorched the plants and they died.
Some fell among the thorns and was choked out and did not bear fruit.
Some fell on good soil and produced a harvest 30, 60 and even 100 times what was planted.
God pointed out that the pansy was like my dear friend, Nancy. She has been growing despite difficult trials at work and faith stretching problems at home. She has even bloomed and become fragrant with the peace of Christ, so that others around her are encouraged. The faith God planted in her heart, like the seed dropped in my driveway, has stood the tests of life.

No

Today began with a very persistent telemarketer. This company has called at least 10 times in the last 7 days. Once I answered and told them I was not interest in their time share. Today I answered before I had my glasses so he caught me. I explained that I had told them no last week and to STOP calling me.
But they did not get the message because when I came home from running errands, they had called again. Now, what about NO did they not get?
I looked up both the word persistent and the word nag to see what good Old Webster had to say.
Nag: continuing source of annoyance, to irritate by constantly urging.
Persistent: to go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition.
Both fit this company. Now maybe the caller gets a commision off those who say yes. I don't know and I don't care. I just want it to stop.
Just so you know, God is not that way. He offers a gift, no strings attached. If you chose to not receive his love, that is your choice and he will not force you. He is, after all a gentleman. That's more that I can say for the telemarketer.

Do overs

Today started too early. I woke from a bad dream at 2:00 AM having gone to bed only two hours earlier. I could not go back to sleep so got up, make tea and read my Bible. Finally , sleepy I crawled back into bed and must have slept hard.
Buddy woke me at 7:15, late since we had to take the car to be serviced today. I got dressed and headed out the door. Guess who was in the courtyard? " The cat" ! Buddy went ballistic. I had to close the door quick and calm him, if such a thing is possible. I squeezed out the door and shooed the cat away. Buddy was champing at the bit. He had no intention of hurrying today, no matter how bad he needed to go. He was on the hunt. We walked back and forth for 15 + minutes and finally he gave into 'nature's call' and was now in a hurry to get home and eat.
I came in the door grumbling. Not a very nice way for Jon to start his day.
I rushed through my morning routine, including oatmeal, a shower, stretches and reading my Bible. Then off to the car dealership.
I was tired, grumpy and restless. I settled into a knitting project but finally gave up, not being able to concentrate. Jon sat next to me, contentedly reading the paper.
Then, the unthinkable happened. A nice man sat next to me and opened a bag of corn nuts. The smell made me salivate. I buy them rarely, knowing they are high in salt and probably not good for me. But on this day, they smelled so good. And do you think he offered me even one? NO!!! Now I was really grumbling to myself.
He cleaned up the whole bag and went to collect his car while we waited some more.
By the time we got home the whole morning was gone and I was grouchy, irritated and just feeling unpleasant.
Then it hit me. I am so glad that God allows do overs. So after lunch, I will have to take my complaining attitude to the Father and ask for forgiveness and do the rest of my day with a lighter heart and cheerier attitude. Then I think a nap is in order.

Flawed

Have you ever noticed how flawed the people around you are. They have faults, they are defective in some way, they make errors in judgment and do things so entirely backwards. For example, the old toilet paper thing. Now everyone knows that the paper should hang down from the top , not to bottom! Or how about toothpaste? Do you squeeze from the middle, the top or, correctly, from the middle, carefully rolling up the empty part as you go?
Some faults are not as 'innocent'. The difference of opinion may be about when to fill up the tank with gas. Not a problem ,unless you are the one who gets it and it is on E and you have no time to stop. I correctly fill up as soon as it gets to be 1/4 a tank.
Some defects are personality traits that just grate on you. Talking too loud or too much, or being silent and sullen most of the time. Perhaps it is a hair trigger temper.
All of these 'flaws' cause us to withdraw from the person, only relate superficially or become critical. That is where I really struggle, being judgmental. My Obsessive/Compulsive kicks in and just plain self-centeredness, I guess. I see my way as the right and only way.
I have a song in my repertoire that fits here:
Once there was a man who thought he was so wise
That he tried to give his friend just a little advice
But he could not get near him, no matter how he tried
For a big log was poking from his eye.
'Let me try, let me try
Let me try to take the splinter from your eye'
But he could not get near him, no matter how he tried
For a big log was poking from his eye.
There are two keys I guess.
The first is to focus on my flaws, UHG!
Secondly, I need to focus on the good qualities in that person and trust God to finish perfecting his defects just as he needs to perfect me.
Well I have to go now and get the log out of my eye. It's funny, I never noticed it until now!

Sneaking around

My dog is driving me crazy, well crazier. For the last two nights he has awakened us barking hysterically at a cat, on the patio cover - in the middle of the night , mind you! How he can see her is a mystery to us. He sleeps in the corner of our bedroom, on the floor by my side of the bed. The bed is between him and the sliding glass door. What wakes him up? He can't smell her since the door is closed.
Worse, he not only barks but lunges at the glass door. I sit right up out of a dead sleep and yell for him to stop. The commotion must cause her to jump on to the next roof and pass out of sight. Then ,and only then, he finally settled down.
This morning I finally saw the culprit. A very large cat. Perhaps she is all hair, I am not sure. But I saw her sneaking around under my dining room window. I know that she was trying to catch one of the doves who feed under the patio table. I would suspect her of the murder yesterday except there were no feathers tossed around to show a struggle.
She is the same cat that I sprayed with water a couple of weeks ago when our dog saw her from the front room. She was over where the sparrows nest in the bushes. I see that he is trying to protect our property and I appreciate that, I really do. But, why at 3 AM???
All this sneaking around brings to mind, lions, the cat relative. Have you seen them on some nature show creeping through the long grass to grab some unsuspecting gazelle or worse yet, baby giraffe? They look for a weak one and drag it off before anyone realizes it. Snip, snap and it's gone.
The apostle Peter called the devil a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. I can picture that more fully now and see how he too looks for the weak believer, and drags him off before anyone knows what is going on. He degrades the value God has for his children. He casts doubt on the goodness of God. You may have heard his voice:
" If God was so good why did he.....?"
I have heard that voice, usually at a low moment emotionally. But all is not lost if I remember that he is toothless. Jesus won over him and I only have to call for the Savior and the 'lion' will slink away. He know he is powerless.
Now if I can just get that sneaky cat to slink away or better yet, stay away.

Bird funeral

When I got up this morning there was a dead dove under my patio table. I felt so sad. I have become quite attached to 'my doves'. They often come to the window if their feeder is low. I have even had them fly into the window on more than one occasion , leaving the imprint of feathers there. I love their cooing . So peaceful sounding. Perhaps that is why they are the symbol of peace.
I was feeling so sad. Jon declared we had to bag it and put it in the trash due to possible West Nile Virus. I have devastated. No funeral? We have had many animal funerals in our family. One house we moved out of I feared the new people would think we were some crazy cult if they even dug too deep in certain places. But I complied and put the poor thing in the trash, reluctantly.
The death of the dove reminded me of the last 'animal funeral' we had. It was, in fact, a bird funeral. Our parakeet had died and I had' saved him' until our grandsons came over so they could be at the funeral. I admit, before Debe says it, I put him in the freezer! So how is that different from the cooler at the mortuary???
Anyway, Gabe declared that we had to have a song. I drew a blank. What was appropriate for a bird funeral anyway? Finally I came up with, "When the roll is called up yonder I'll be there". I do believe that animals will be in heaven so I felt it was OK to sing it. Gabe said a prayer and we buried our bird under the ivy.
I thought of a better song later,"When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away."
This week's events remind us that we too will die some day. 100% of us, the last time I checked. Are you ready?