Don't be anxious

It has been a very busy week.
I was taxi cab for a teen age boy to therapy twice and high school orientation.
I have tea with a friend on Monday and tea with a friend on Tuesday.
I took a meal to a friend who had surgery, also on Tuesday.
On Thursday evening I had my book club and on Friday an evening meeting.
All this to say that my dog is not very happy with me. He has separation anxiety and hates being left alone. It was not so bad when Jon was working days and home in the evening to be with Buddy. But since we transitioned to the swing schedule on Monday, Buddy has spent way too much time alone, according to him.
Yesterday, after lunch, he began to watch my moves. This involves poking his head into the walk in closet to see what kind of clothes I am putting on. It included waiting outside the bathroom so see what I am going to do. If I proceed to brush my teeth or put on lipstick, he goes into his 'poor me' mode. He hangs his head and tail and slinks to his bed in the corner hoping I will forget him. He has perfected the martyr performance handed down to me from my family.
So yesterday I talked to him seriously and said,
" I am not going anywhere. We are going to be here together all afternoon, so you can relax. You are not going to be alone at all. We are going to take a nap and maybe read. You have no reason to be anxious. You are just worrying about something that has not happened and this day is not going to."
Just as quickly I heard the Holy Spirit say:
" You can relax. You are not going to be alone. You have no reason to fear the future for I am here with you and will be 24/7. Your future is not uncertain to me, I have planned it and it is for your good. Most of all, my presence goes with you, wherever you go."
So we had a nice afternoon, Buddy, the Holy Spirit and I. Now if I can only remember this tomorrow, when anxiety hits again.

"Preaching to the choir"

Today I took my grandson to his counseling appointment. The therapist asked me to talk with her about our family background so she and I chatted alone. In the conversation she commented about how much she likes G. and what fun he is.
'My sentiments exactly', I said. 'Too bad he doesn't see what a great personality he has and what fun he is to be around.'
Then I had a light bulb experience. I saw that I feel that same way- awkward in social settings and very self conscious. I find it hard to believe that anyone would want to be my friend.( at times I sure don't, though I am getting better)
The timing of this could not be better since I am headed out to a meeting tonight where I don't know a lot of the ladies very well. God and I have already dialogued about all this but this is further insight.
He says that he created me and he doesn't make junk. Each one of his creations is unique and gorgeous.
We made deal. He is going with me and will be my companion. I can feel confident in the personality he created and the body he gave me and just go and have a good time.( smile, sigh)
Thanks for the clarification God.

Capelet

Last Christmas, for the first time ,we drew names. I was so glad that I had gotten my daughter Ruth I asked what she wanted. She requested a capelet- short cape. We selected the color and I began to knit. But being unsure of the pattern, I did a sample with leftover yarn first. Boy was I glad I have tried it first, because I had knitted too tight and it was too small. So I was able to adjust and the finished product was amazing, well for a beginner.
I came across that sample capelet the other day and God showed me an application for a verse he was teaching me.
Isa 61:3 says God bestows on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes and the oil of gladness for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of despair.
I though of that capelet and saw it as the garment of praise. In my mind's eye, God wrapped it around my shoulders. But to do so he had to remove the garment of anxiety that I have been wearing for most of my life. It is my choice to give up the anxiety. God showed me that my anxiety is sin since it reflects on the future as uncertain and therefore scary.
But God says, he is Sovereign and holds the future in his hands. I can trust Him.
Paul put it this way"
I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him against that day( the end of life).
Jeremiah spoke for God saying, 'I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.'
So which capelet should I wear? The one woven with anxiety that has been passed down to me by my family, or the one God wants to give me- the garment of praise from a calm and trustful heart?
I think it is time to put away the old ways and embrace the rest of God.

Miscommunication

We have had an ongoing shampoo problem. I use a special shampoo for color treated hair. Jon has a medicated shampoo and Head and Shoulders too. I noticed he was almost out so got him some new shampoo as well. Lately, though, he has taken to using my color treated brand. I am not sure why and did not ask. I just put it away and he hunted it down .
So I bought another brand for my hair and left the previous color treated kind out for him. I actually like the new Avon type better so it is not great loss. I have it in a secret place! What a funny game to play huh? And we have not discussed any of it.
Today he berated me that there was no shampoo in the shower.
I said, " There is the color treated kind that is really mine but I have bequeathed to you."
" Well it does not say shampoo on it!"
" Huh?"
I marched up to the shower to discover that he had used my shower gel on his hair. What was he thinking about in the shower this morning??? I have now put two other shampoos in the shower for him, including the color treated that is 'his' that WAS there this morning.
Just an example of the games people play that could have been resolved if we have discussed it. I still don't know why he likes the color treated brand. Maybe the strawberry smell?
I am glad that God does not play such games with us.
He makes it clear that he loves us.
He is also clear about sin and the need for salvation.
He tells concisely about the death and resurrection of the Son.
He challenges us to use our free will to choose to give our lives to him.
He does not play games.
Are you?

Shoes

I dislike shopping but especially for shoes. Part of the problem is that my feet are short and wide and most shoes are uncomfortable or, flat out do not fit. I will never compete with Emelda Marcos , that is for sure.
Last winter I discovered that most women wore these cute short boots . I wondered aloud what the chances were that I could find a pair. I took my shopping friend and not only did I find some that fit but I have a 25% off coupon to use as well. So that resolved my embarrassment for the winter.
But with the coming of spring, my dilemma returned as well. Jon and I looked and looked and to be honest, he was getting more and more disgusted with me. I could not seem to find something comfortable. He, on the other had was looking for style. When, I thought to myself had I ever be in style( well except for the boots) Finally I settled on a nice pair of sandals, partly to satisfy him and partly because they were comfy.
One catch, they are a thong type and in between my toes hurt for quite awhile. But now they are toughened up and I love them. But , to me, they are not very dressy, like to wear to church, though I have been. I did not dare mention that to Jon. Instead, I peek at people's feet on Sundays and give the up or down thumb to myself in my mind. ( How vain)
But God was not to be outdone. In the last three weeks, I have had three pairs of sandals given to me that fit like a glove and are dressy besides.
Content?
No, now I dread winter again because I can't wear these boots with shorter dresses or shorter skirts. So the saga continues. For someone who hates shoes, I sure get in a dither about them, huh?
God only has one main thing to say about shoes. I am to wear the shoes of the gospel of peace. Peace with God through Christ and the peace of God that passes all understanding. Have it and pass it on. God says that is what beautiful feet look like, feet that share his love. And anyone can have them, if they know Christ. Just ask. No shopping required. Besides they never wear out or go out of style.

What aroma?

Today I have a pleasant surprise. My grandson and great grandson( Jacob) stopped by for a visit. The last time I had seen him he was not walking yet but now he can move like lightning! I so enjoyed seeing him and his Dad, too. Jacob played with toys that his Dad and Grandma played with at that age and that brought back so many memories.
I did notice a certain aroma while he was here that his parents did not seem to be aware of. It was not the sweet baby powder smell of tiny babies. It was that yucky odor of a dirty diaper. It was amazing to me that his Mom and Dad did not seem to smell it!
When they left the aroma lingered so I had to get out the Febreze ASAP.
I wonder what aroma I leave after I have been with a friend or even a stranger?
Does the love of God linger? Do they notice the fragrance of grace after I am gone? Do they know God better for being with me?
Or do I leave the odor of judgment and the smell of self righteousness?
Does God have to get out the spiritual Febreze after I depart to cover the ugly odor I left? I sure hope not.

Brakes part II

As I told you , my brake light has been coming on, more often recently. I have been tempted to just put tape over it so I can't see it since I have no idea what is wrong. I do something similar with noises I can't figure out. I just turn the radio up louder! Did I tell you that I score in the minus category in mechanical skills?
I tried the quick fix, checking the brake fluid level. But it was OK.
The other options are:
The light is malfunctioning
I need new brakes.
I was holding out for the first.
So today I arrived early to have the situation checked. As it turned out, early is an understatement. I was there at 7:15 AM and they do not open until 8:00 AM!
UGH!
So I drove back home and walked my dog.
Then I decided to run another couple of errands before returning to the auto repair shop.
Alas, the store I drove to did not open until 8:00 AM, either.
So I headed to my friends' house for tea and talk but she was not there, though I had said I would be there a little after 8:00 AM.
I took a deep breath, wondering if this whole day was going to be this way. It should have been a warning of things to come.
My friend finally arrvied home and we visited for awhile before I headed to the shop, again.
They took my car right in, that is the good news.
The bad?
My car needs back brakes AND a new cylinder too since it is leaking ,whatever that means.
$340.00
Putting tape over the light looks better all the time. Well, until I have to stop in a hurry and have no brakes. Then the repair bill will be even larger, I suspect. Plus my insurance will go up, too.
So, when do I use the brakes anyway?
At stop lights, of course.
When a car pulls in front without warning or changes lanes quickly.
When a child runs out in the street without looking.
Probably other scenarios that I can't think of now but will be apparent the next time I drive.
Guess my 'wings' are clipped until we get this fixed since Jon thinks putting tape on the light is ridiculous. I don't want to drive, knowing I am an accident waiting to occur.
Does God have a warning light too?
Several , I guess.
The word, other believers and the Holy Spirit, by means of inner conviction. You had better listen or you will be a spiritual accident waiting to happen. Don't try ignoring that 'light' by continuing on your way, the wrong way, doing the wrong thing. The results are too dangerous.

Company in the shower

This morning I woke up late and hit the shower on the run. I dialed in the water temp, closed the shower curtain and stepped in to find that someone was already in there- a big black spider. At first I didn't see him or I would not have stepped in. Then I was going to just ignore him, being in a hurry. We could coexist couldn't we? But then I wondered ,as I washed my hair, will he jump on me when I am not paying attention?????
So I did what any rational woman would do, I squished with my toe and forced him down the drain. A good job done. Now I could finish and get on with my morning so as not be late to church.
Sometimes I treat sin that way too.
First I don't see how big and black it is. To me, it is a vague gray thing.
Then I think, well it's no big deal, we can coexist.
But, left to itself, it will jump out and get me when I least expect it.
So I have learned to squish it and force it out of my life by the name and blood of Jesus.
And it must be done ASAP. My joy and peace depends on it.

Protection

Yesterday was an eventful day for us, to say the least. As we were driving our grandson home from doing some yard work for us, we encountered a multitude of police cars just a block over from us. Not wanting to miss anything, we drove down that street but couldn't see very well. Jon was nervous and we were waved off by the Community service officer. So, regretfully, we had to leave.
But on the way back home, we saw more activity so parked at our community park and stood to watch the events unfold. Seems that they had already arrested two men.We saw then send the police dog after a third one. At that point, we decided to head home and lock our doors and gate. No sense taking chances.
But the activity was not over, for soon a helicopter appeared in the sky over our house and stayed there for an hour . We were getting dizzy watching them going around in circles.
We have no way of knowing if they found the third suspect but the helicopter disappeared. And wouldn't you know, there was nothing in the paper today ,so we will never know, I guess.
I sure felt safe while that copter was in the sky overhead.
I need that over my mind when I am battling runaway thoughts. It could guard my mind so that nothing could disturb the peace I have from God. Not in my mind or in my heart. I would call it Mr. God's Peace, my protector. Thoughts could fly over but never land.
I guess, in reality, that that is my job, to keep those untamed thoughts from landing and setting up shop in my mind. Then my emotions and mind will be guarded .

So about Worry

Worry does not hang out with joy and peace. In fact, it robs you of both.
I had a gigantic attack of worry this week. It was the kind that makes your stomach churn and your chest ache and steals sleep.
Actually I come from a long line of worriers. My Mom and Jon's Mom was masters at it.
You can call it fear or anxiety but let's be honest. It is plain garden variety worry. It asks the question, what if .... or how will I....
I am so good at this that with very little effort I can worry myself into financial ruin, abandonment or a body that weighs 300 pounds.( those are my current 'demons'). Laugh all you want, but left unchecked that is how it 'feels' to me.
But that is just the problem- how it feels!
How does it get that way? It is the result of my untamed rebel thoughts running wild.
Instead Jesus calls me to consider, think about, reason with Him. Consider what? My Sovereign God is near and cares and provides for me 24/7.
Exhibit A - The birds of the air . They don't plant or harvest or store in barns but they don't go hungry for God feeds them.
Exhibit B - The flowers - They don't sew their garments yet they are more beautifully 'dressed' than the richest model. God clothes them.
Worry = little faith
Opposite- Mature faith which is a confident trust in a Sovereign God. It is the result of reasoning in light of the truth that God provides. Notice it is not the result of feelings. It is standing on God's reveals truth in the face of unknowns.
Limiting my thoughts limits my out of control feelings!
Stop
Think God's thoughts
Find joy
Discover peace that keeps guard over your heart and mind.
Good bye stomach churning, chest ache and insomnia.

Play with me

When our girls were small we played a game,' which does not belong.'
You know , like, apple, orange and egg.
Well on my walk tonight there were three things. See if you can tell which one does not belong:
A dog, a cat, and a rooster.
Yes, where did that rooster come from? No one seems to know. The last time I saw him ,he was, you guessed it, crossing the road!
Want to play again?
Which of these does not belong?
Joy, peace and worry?
More on that tomorrow.