Dangerous emotions

Several years ago I did an workshop online dealing with learning to write your personal story. The lesson that stood out to me was about dangerous emotions. I come from a long line of British folk complete with the "stiff upper lip" when it comes to emotions. That is especially true with those emotions that threaten to explode.
The last weeks I have been avoiding a dangerous emotion - grief. I know that my brother is gone, dead and scattered, but my mind has found ways to contain the grief so it does not spill out.
A planned trip to his home today to see his widow has caused me fear that I will enter the door, not be greeted by my brother's hug and go to pieces. In my mind, it feels like I will begin to cry and never stop. So dread has built and my mind has gone on autopilot, to avoid facing the unknown.
I woke this morning with one word from the Lord- PEACE.
Tomorrow I will share how God showed up because I am sure He will.

Justice

I love justice for offenders . I like them to get their "just deserves". Case in point: A local funeral home seemly showed no mercy to a grieving family who called the wrong mortuary( them) when their Mom died. They released the body to the tune of big bucks for little service, or so the media says. Knowing that this funeral home has been known to be a little, how shall I say, hard to work with, I believe it all. The follow up article today said they may be investigated. Probably deserves it I said to myself.
That attitude was enough but I had to pass the info along to those I knew would find it a dainty morsel, which they did.
I went on about my day, walking Buddy, cleaning up after Jon's lighting project in the kitchen,etc. Just minding my own business when what should hit me? Conviction. Like Isaiah and others in scripture, I find it easy to see the sins of others and not my own. I had been judge and jury for people I did not know, with evidence I did not have. Then I got pleasure out of repeating it. Faced with God's standard and not my own, I had no excuses or justification for my attitudes or behavior. I could only say, I was wrong and I repent.
I acknowledge that you alone are JUDGE. Their Judge and mine
I cry' Mercy', Lord. It's me,it's me,it's me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer. Not the funeral home, not the ones I shared me, but me O Lord, standing in the need of not only prayer but forgiveness.

What was he thinking?

Last Thursday I was gone for the evening and left Buddy in the washroom with his bed, radio and treat. He hates being left but the music helps with his anxiety. He was so glad to see me when I returned, as usual. I gave him a treat and a nice walk before bed.
We were up at 5:00 for an early walk, breakfast for him and tea and time with the Lord for me. I came back to bed about 6:30 or so, only to be rudely awakened by vomiting noises. I jumped up and rushed Buddy outside but he had already thrown on the area rug in the hall. Why there I bemoaned?
Outside he vomited again and what to my wondered eyes should appear but an avocado pit!
HUH???
First off we can't figure out how he got it. Second , why would he swallow it. Third God was good to get it out before it plugged his intestinal track and caused a trip the emergency vet.
Did you know that the Bible talks about vomit?

Peter says,
The proverb is true that the dog returns to his vomit and the pig that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud. He was talking to those who commit their lives to the Lord and then went back to their disobedient way of life as though it did not matter that their sin cost the life of Christ.He said it was better for them to have never known the grace of God than to know it and turn their back on it again.
They have not valued God's loving kindness or learned from their consequences.
As Ruth says: 'I don't want a lightning bolt in the butt.'
I don't' either.
Now if only Buddy will have learned from his consequences.

Carpet cleaning part 2

This morning we were up early, well for us, moving the furniture and stuff to make way for a nice clean carpet. We moved things independently at first, but then Jon needed help with the 'green chair"( the one claimed by Ruth AND also Brian Long!)He wanted to put it up on the bed to get it out of the way. He angled it up on the front legs and began to lift, thinking I could read his mind about what I was supposed to do. HA! I had no idea.
" Speak to me", I said " I don't know what to do but I do want to help and move the right direction"
He quickly gave the needed directions, though I could tell he was thinking I should have just KNOWN what to do.
I am so glad that God does not expect me to guess what he wants me to do.
William E Yeager said " You can think God's thoughts after Him."
He was quoting I Cor 2:16 where Paul says that we believers have the mind of Christ.
How? He gave us His word to find out what pleases Him, what brings Him delight. He shows us how to live, how to live a fulfilled life.
I am so glad that he does not keep me guessing.

Who me?

Tomorrow we are going to have our carpet upstairs cleaned. That means disruption of my routine and my stuff. UGH! I have recently been using the upstairs bedroom, the "Red Room" as we affectionately call it, for my 'quiet time' in the early mornings. I have made a 'nest' there with my Bible, journal, reference books, colored pencils, Kleenex, extra sox, bag of cheerios, well you get the picture. Then I have a fuzzy blanket on top to cover it and use if I get cold.I knew that I would have to pick all this stuff up off the floor tomorrow morning before the guy came.
We came home from church and I was so tired, having not slept well last night. After a hasty lunch, I dove into my bed and actually slept for almost two hours. I got up feeling rested and after doing some kitchen duties, I sat to review my sermons notes and do the further study section.
One question had me stumped:
When do you last remember the conviction of the Holy Spirit about sin that you previously had not considered sin?
I pondered that and decided to come back to it.
Just then Jon headed upstairs and I saw he was moving the little table out of the Red Room, the one I set my tea on each morning. I jumped up to rescue my ' nest' before he began pulling things out of it and touching my stuff.
He was mumbling:
'This is a total mess. I will have to get you a basket of something'.
I weighted in with " Why should it bother you? You are never in here. I like having it all available as I study.'
My mouth wanted to say more, like 'how about your mess by your recliner????' Instead, I did a Ruth" la, la, la". But inside I was seething. How dare he tell me my stuff is a mess. It's none of his business. I deserve a spot where I can do as I want.And on and on the thoughts went.
I put all my stuff in the closet and went down to finish the notes I had been working on, feeling very justified in my attitude. That is when the Holy Spirit convicted me about what I previously had not thought of a sin. Where was the sweet attitude that I usually have toward my life mate? Why was I being so combative? How Christlike was my attitude?
I could write my answer on the study sheet. NOW is when I was convicted. I see that I was easily angered over something so inconsequential, so unimportant. Jon loves me and was only trying to get the stuff up and to be honest, it was a mess. I would not want you to see it, for sure. Maybe he can come up with an organizer solution. So I wrote my answer. Then I apologized to Jon that I was easily angered over nothing.
Thanks God for revealing sin, though I hated seeing it in ME!

Air Mail

First off this is a secret so do not repeat this to my husband! I guess that I will tell him some day, but not today.
We recently received some very important papers that had to be dealt with and sent back to our insurance company. I got the feeling we needed to send them return receipt, even though I hated going to the Post Office, finding an place to park, standing in line and paying who knows what. We conferred and decided that just such a receipt was the best way to deal with all this . So, on my way to have tea with a dear friend, I gathered the letter, a Manila envelope going to my niece and a birthday card to my 'adopted' grandchild and headed out to the car. I notice that the mail had arrived at my house so placed the outgoing mail on the back of my car with my banana and inspected the new mail. Not one thing worth the effort of my mailman to deliver it. Oh well.
I placed the new mail in the garage, got in my car and headed out to meet my friend. I had driven about 2 miles and missed the yellow light so had to stop. I drank my water and waited for my turn to go. The next thing I knew, someone was out of the car next to me and coming up to my window.
HUH?
She had a letter and a BANANA extended toward me.
Oh No!!! Now I remembered that I had set the outgoing mail on the back of the car and not picked it up again. How thankful I was for this alert Samaritan.
Only one problem. She only handed me the outgoing birthday card. No Manila envelope for Simone and NO INSURANCE ENVELOPE. You know, the very critical one.I made a quick u-turn and headed back the way I had come. No letters on the main street so I continued on toward home. One block from my house I spied IT. I jumped out and grabbed the two missing items, including that pesky insurance letter.
The guy across the street was heading to his car in the driveway and asked if I needed help.
" No, I just found what I was looking for, a most important letter. "
I then repeated my tale, complete with a shout of joy that God is so good and into details. He has time to oversee Iraq and Mary's important letter, too.
The story does end well. I made it to the Post Office and was able to get it mailed. I hope to receive the return receipt by next week. Hopefully not by airmail!

Long Line

On Saturday Jon and I went to Home Depot to "window shop". We were checking out a new front door, outside lighting, new perennials and counter tops. Of course we had to investigate the 40% off sale on outdoor furniture. What we really needed was new cushions for our patio chairs, but no such luck.
BUT, they did have their vinyl wicker chairs on sale. One lonely one was left and it was 'injured.' I said, why not ask for another discount? So I hit up the garden manager and he said
'Sure how about another $10.00 off?'
I was so pleased with myself.
We finished our other browsing, and having snagged a DVD on outdoor lighting and a counter top sample, we headed to the garden checkout. That is where it got messy. First off, there was only one checker and it was Saturday afternoon! And the only line was moving way too slow. I tapped my foot and grew more and more impatient. I hate getting in just such a line.
Why is this store so inefficient. Why did that lady have to buy something that required research. Can't she see we are all waiting. On and on went the mental complaints in my head.
In frustration I decided to entertain the lady in front to pass the time. I interviewed her about what she was buying and why. Finally the line moved and we were at the front.
Good, I thought, we have only three things and the manager already did the slip for the markdown.
But, no, it was not to be a short checkout. We had to wait for a manager to override the computer. In the meantime the line got longer and longer.The man behind us had big bags of white rock and I began to think he would open them and begin throwing them. The guy two behind him had a massive pile of cement block, destined to what I was not sure.
I looked their direction and told the apologetic clerk,
'They are going to send me hate mail.'
It took 20 minutes to get the help we needed. I could not leave fast enough.
In the car, I began to sing again that infamous song:
Be patient
Be patient,
Don't be in such a hurry
When you get impatient
you only start to worry
Remember, remember, that God is patient too
And think of all the time that others had to wait on you!

National check your battery water day

I think I have found my new calling:
Creating special days for the calendar- days that will make your life easier and cheaper in the long run.
Like today's entry.
National check your battery water day. You can guess that since I have never drained my hot water heater, that I did not know I needed to be schedule battery checks either.
Of course it is not mystery how I discovered all this. Just like the hot water heater, the battery died, though it only three years old . It was an 84 month battery, whatever that means. My last 84 month one only lasted two years! Now I know why.
In the winter, when I am checking the battery water, I will check the furnace filters too, another seasonal job. Frankly, it is a relief that I do not have a 9-5 job because I would not have time, what will all these routine maintenance tasks.
maintenance: upkeep or preservation.
In the study I am doing with a dear friend, God calls for scheduled service calls too. Today's questions included these signs of trouble:
1. Self centered
2 failing to take God at his word.
3. Hypocrisy
4. Lust, gluttony, coveting
5. Pride
6. Neglect of family
7. Jealousy and quarreling
8. Not acknowledging it all belongs to God by returning a portion of it to Him.
Have to run. I need to call for spiritual repair.( confession and repentance)

Comedy of errors

Well, it really was not funny but I am learning to laugh at myself.
Yesterday I had several errands to run and felt so efficient. That should have been the first clue. I stopped to get several mailing envelopes, to save the cost at the post office. Then I dropped Jon's prescription at Kaiser. No problem so far.
Next stop was the post office where I had quite a few packages to mail . I had a hard time finding a parking place but finally landed one about a block from the station. I arrived to a long line of people since it had been closed the day before. I still have to address the envelopes I had just purchased, so stepped to the table to do so, only to discover I did not have my pen. I dumped my purse out, to the amazement of the waiting line of patrons. Still no pen.
Nothing to do but trudge back to the car and hope I could find it. I was not able to locate the missing pen but did have a spare in the glove box. I picked up the packages I had dropped at the curb and next is where being obsessive paid off. I felt my pocket for my keys, as i always do, and you guessed it- they were on the car seat of the now locked car. Not to worry, I fished out my plastic key from AAA and proceeded to try to open the door. No way, in fact, it appeared that the plastic key was about to break off. Now what?
I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to try the driver door. YEAH! Open sesame. I grabbed the keys and the rest of my stuff and headed to the post office. From here on, the story is too boringly normal to matter. Thankfully.
But I did find that I was able to laugh at myself and the silly things that had happened.
Solomon says there is a time to laugh, and this was sure the time. In the past, I might have berated myself for being stupid but that could have ruined my whole day. Instead,laughing at myself diffused the tension and I was even able to repeat this to Jon today and laugh again. If Shakespeare could name a play 'Comedy of Errors', I can see yesterday as my Comedy.

Wandering sheep

On Saturday Buddy had an adventure. Well, really it was Jon who had the adventure . And I missed it all, having stayed home not feeling well.
They started to the park and there was the black lab loose ,so Jon redirected him to the ' old man's park'. All went well until Jon bent to pick up ______ and just at that moment, Buddy saw two cats across the street. He jerked and somehow the leash clip sprung open and away he went with Jon in hot pursuit. He ran up onto the porch across the street and in the window was a furious dog who was barking his fool head off. Buddy was unconcerned , he was after those cats. The old man inside was hollering at Buddy and the dog inside was barking and lunging. Buddy took off to chase the cats around into the back yard and the man yelled louder. Finally Jon got Buddy and they dashed home.
Upon inspection, Buddy had injured one of his pads. I have him taped up with a homemade bandage and duct tape. He kind of looks like a race horse!
He went astray and suffered for it.
The prophet Isaiah talked about us doing the same thing.
All we like sheep have gone astray, every one to his own way and the Lord has laid on Him( Jesus) the sin of us all.
Learn the Lesson of Buddy- do your own thing and suffer.