Guide me

Have you seen the Long, Long Trailer with Lucy and Ricky! We love that movie and can watch it over and over and still laugh our fool heads off. One of our favorite scenes is when Ricky needs to back the trailer into Lucy's Aunt's driveway. Everyone is giving directions at once and he gets so confused that he ends up backing into the rose trellis and taking it out as well as other shrubs, etc. You get the picture.
Well, I am glad that no one had a video camera on me today. I needed to go to a meeting and the painters were parked in the driveway. To compound matters, I had to take Jon's car, the new car, since they were parked on 'my side' of the driveway.
Jon said, no big deal, just back out. You can do it. My heart began to palpitate before I even got in the car. Then he decided to give me directions. I felt like de'ja'vu, Ricky and Lucy all over again. To my credit, I kept my head and did manage to back out, unscathed after only two tries. Of course the painters were in their truck having a break. No pressure there!
Did you know that God gives directions too? He says:
I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go. I will guide with my eye on you- not using a bit and bridle like a horse.
God wants me to so follow His directions that He can just look at me and I get the message and back up or go ahead as He directs. Now if I can only be still long enough to hear Him.

Chaos

I hate messes.
Today we have our house all torn up downstairs. They painted the Master Bedroom today and tomorrow it will be the Living Room. What a sight and not in a good way. Stuff everywhere. UGH!!! No place to sit or hardly walk.
Even the dog is upset. His bed has been moved and he is very disgruntled.
I had to take a long walk just to clear my head. The open air, the trees, the flowers, revived me for sure.
Then it was home to reality again.
Did you know that God hates disorder,too. Paul says He is not a God of chaos but peace. He is the God of all peace.
Boy I sure could use some peace here and quick.

In His time

I am still thinking about God knitting those little ones. Somehow this thought is linked with a famous song. ( The song actually came from wise old King Solomon.)
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to uproot.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
....
And on it goes.
But Ecclesiates 3:11 says:
He makes every thing beautiful in His time.
That includes young ones who came as a 'surprise' to their parents, so to speak. God knits with no mistakes and His timing is impeccable.
So, I will not question WHY this one who is dear to me was born' before his time'. I can't imagine my life without that one now.
I choose to trust God's plan. It is always for our good, even though we can't see it now.

Knitting

I re-learned to knit about a year and a half ago from a dear friend. Like most beginners today, I started with scarves and everyone that first Christmas got one.
Then one of Deborah's friends, Jenn, was going to have a baby so I decided to take the plunge and make a baby afghan. It was a big project with a pattern I have to follow carefully. Being Obsessive I made a graph to chart out each row. Why? So I would not have holes or one side shorter than the other. I chose aqua yarn since I did not know the gender of the baby yet. It was so soft and yummy- if that is possible for yarn.
It came up super, though it took longer than I had supposed and was bigger than the measurements in the pattern. I found out that I had used the wrong size needle! The mother was kindly thankful and I was relieved. I had a lot more of me invested than if I have purchased a gift.
Did you know that God knits too? He knit me together in my mother's womb. Skillfully and wonderfully. According to the pattern he had in mind for me, just as I did for Jenn's baby blanket.
In Jenn's blanket there were holes around the border- intended holes that gave it character. They were not accidents, though I make plenty of those, trust me. But these were right there in the directions.
In my creation, there was what might seem like a problem or accident, in the 'knitting' of my pancreas. I have pancreas division which has left me with chronic pancreatic. It was not a mistake, but in the pattern God had for me. Just as the holes in the border of the baby afghan had a purpose, so this pancreatic problem has had a purpose too. It causes me to lean on God each day. I don't take my body for granted. I need God's strength to get me though each day.
Remember, God's knitting projects always get done on time and perfectly, unlike mine.

Guilty

Yesterday I did some things out of character for me and my OCD.
First, I did not put the clothes back on the rack that I did not buy! Normally I not only put my stuff back in the right place, but the clothing that others had put on the wrong rack. I feel compelled to do it.
At the grocery store I selected some shaved Parmesan cheese and put it in the basket. But further in the store I found some grated cheese that was cheaper and put the other back where I took out the less expensive tub. This, too, I not like me.
I guess I was just tired and didn't want to make the effort. But inside it bothered me- really it did. I kept thinking about the clerk who would discover my laziness and have to reshelve my stuff. Being perfect rates high on my list, though I never make it.
Guilt is that still small voice that lets you know that you have done the wrong thing. You might also call it your conscience. Mine guilt seems to work overtime about things that are not a violation of God's law.
My friend Carole would probably say that she 'smelled smoke' meaning that the excess guilt was not from God but the evil one trying to steal my security in God's favor. So away with you, you evil one. Unhand me! I know that misplaced store items will not separate me from God's love.
So there- take that you smelly one.

The table

Yesterday I had an experience that had implications beyond it's design.
I took a class called AIDS 101. I was there as a volunteer gaining info to reach out to those who find that diagnosis leaves them lonely. The rest of the group were there as a requirement of their probation. There in lies the story.
Each guy I am sure had a unique story:
The young man who came on his skate board.
The drug user who explained to me that you have to be careful not to get the water too hot when you boil your needle.
The man who had a limp and poor speech as though he had had a stroke.
The ' pick up truck 'man who was mostly quiet except joking when he felt uncomfortable.
The guy who seemed to be the most educated and was glad to be there instead of being locked up, again.
Finally, the very quiet withdrawn guy- I could not really figure him out, except he was the only one who seemed to know how to use a condom!
That hour showed me a world that I have not experienced before.
When I was done at the class, I headed to the Good Friday service. As I was praying and thinking about the meaning of the day, I pictured that famous painting of the "Lord's Supper". In my mind's eye, I saw the guys from my class seated around the table. And Jesus was extending mercy and love to them.
God, you really meant it when you said that you love the world and sent your Son that whoever believed in Him should have eternal life, including my 6 fellow classmates. May they understand that you are passionate and holy and wild, not condemning and wimpy and boring.

Were you there?

When I was in high school, we had an assembly at this time of year. The only thing I remember is that a black lady sang that mournful song
" Were you there when they crucified my Lord".
This memory came back yesterday when I heard that song again.
Today , due to political correctness, that would not have been allowed at my high school.
To tell the truth, I don't think it hit me what she was saying. But yesterday it did! She was asking me to envision myself at the cross, watching the Lord of Glory die for me.
Then this thought invaded my mind:
I was there, hammering the nails! ( like Mel Gibson in the Passion)
On the Good Friday, I rejoice that that is not the rest of the story. That in the resurrection, I have forgiveness for the sin that put Jesus there.
So it is a good day!

Keep away

Yesterday Buddy had an adventure that turned into a lesson for me too.
We were on our morning walk to the neighborhood park. Buddy thinks it is his park, exclusively. He has this tiny problem , he is anti- social while on the leash( called leash aggression by trainers).
Yesterday when we entered the park, I saw an older man on the other side of the hill. The park is situated in such a way that the center is a plateau that slopes down on each side. I could not tell if this man had a dog, but did not see anyindication, so relaxed. All of a sudden, this very friendly Lab came running to play with Buddy. He immediately he began yelling( I think):
'Get back. This is my park and my person. You do not belong here. Get back from us and you will not get hurt.'
As an aside, I often wonder if he is protecting me or himself?
The dog continued running toward us and Buddy went into his full attack mode. Finally the dog stopped , stared, then turned, and ran off, for which I was thankful.
A younger man appeared to see if the older gentleman was OK since he heard Buddy yelling. It probably sounded like a dog fight. I assured him that all was well and he headed back inside.
On the walk home I thought about how I need to treat Satan with his temptations that way. Not entertain him, or let him get close to me. I need to yell and say:
Get away from me. I belong to Jesus and you have not right here. Get out of my head and stop whispering to me.
I think it was either Augustine or Martin Luther who said
" You can't stop a flock of birds from circling over your heard, but you can keep them from landing in your hair."

Mercy

In light of Resurrection Sunday coming I was thinking about mercy today.
Webster defines mercy as: compassion that holds off punishing even when justice demands it.
I read that God has safety lock on His wrath but a hair trigger on His mercy! I love that.
Michael W. Smith has a song that repeats:
Lord have mercy
Christ have mercy
Lord have mercy on ME

When Abel was killed by his brother it says that his blood cried out to God from the ground.
The cry:
Justice.
When Jesus was crucified his blood cried out from the ground, too.
The cry:
Mercy, Mercy.
Which do you want?

Am I fun?

I was asked that question this week- well indirectly. I am studying Ecclesiastes. Solomon says over and over that life is meaningless and boring and like chasing the wind . In between those verses, he talks about how God made us to enjoy our lives. He sure didn't though he had more that most of us will ever see in our lifetime.
I could relate to boring. Today I cooked ,washed dishes and clothes and put them away. I took out the trash and walked the dog and opened the mail and paid bills.
Tomorrow I will do most of those things again. And the day after. Seems meaningless to me.
I decided I needed to think about the question, do I find pleasure in life- am I a fun person? By in large , the answer is, NO. I don't laugh enough or allow myself to be silly.
Then my favorite lady , Barbara Johnson, came to my mind and I rushed to one of her books to find her take on this. So here are some of her thoughts:
He who laughs, lasts.
A hearty laugh is a dry cleaning for the heart.
A good laugh is worth a millions groans.
Laughing is like jogging on the inside.
The most wasted of days is that in which one has not laughed.
So today I listened to a book on tape that is a funny story and I laughed and laughed.
You know, I do feel better and vow to not forget to laugh and have fun tomorrow too. Otherwise my life will quickly feel meaningless again.

Some kind of wonderful

I must be on a movie jag which will shock my daughters. If I go to the theater twice in one year it's a good year. And renting more than one movie a year is also a red letter event.
This is another of the mid 80's movies that Deborah and I watched together, more than once. This one is a chick flick -with a cad who says:
" Trust is the basis of every relationship. I trust you."
Implied - she should trust him.
But we, the viewers, know that he is NOT trustworthy. It was a good movie to boo and hiss in!
I had not thought about that movie in a long time until today when I heard a song with this in the lyrics.

God, you are some kind of wonderful!.
I want to know you more
You take me back after I have run away.
You give until you have nothing but blood to give.
You are some kind of wonderful!

Trip to Bountiful

50 years ago the play - Trip to Bountiful made it's debut. It has been performed every year since. In 1985 it was made into a movie for which Geraldine Page got an academy award, as well she should.
It is a movie that has fond memories for me as I have seen it many times with Deborah. Those were very sentimental times for us together.
I saw it again recently and so many new things hit me. I saw myself in it in more ways than before. But the way that is really me is the 'hymn singing'.
I do love to sing to the Lord, in public , at home and even in my car. In fact, my chiropractor thinks it was my singing that kept me from being injured more that I was in the accident.
" Your body was relaxed.'
Deborah has promised that if I have to live with her in my old age, she will allow all the 'hymn signing' I want. Music is just one way that I praise the Lord but a very big way. He is so worthy of all the songs already written and yet to come.
I can't imagine being told,
" There will be no hymn singing"