Did you get the memo?

The same day we took our ‘tree’ for a walk, we saw another interesting sight. We live near a Junior High and as a result, they have put in a roundabout as a traffic calming device. Many people are wary of them. They are not sure how to enter or when and it is a wonder there are not more accidents. You basically have to slow to a crawl and yield to any cars in the roundabout the proceed with caution since you never know who might not know the ‘rules’.
So, back to my story. As we were talking our ‘tree’, we saw a big semi barreling down on the roundabout. He obviously did not know that it was there. As he approached it, he stopped and pulled to the side of the road. It was impossible for him to enter it. The longer we watched, we guessed he now knew he was in trouble. Somehow the dispatcher either did not know about the roundabout on this route or he forget to give the driver a memo about it. He could be very thankful that he did not enter the silly thing or he would have been stuck for sure ,with no way out.
As an aside, I well remember seeing a tour bus get stuck on Lombard street in San Francisco( the crooked street in the US) and it took the longest time to free it. I do not remember how they did it but I bet it was amazing to watch.
Isn’t life like that. You are barreling along and all of a sudden you hit a section of life that seems to have no way to go forward. And no way back. You feel stuck and want out ASAP. Most recently for us, it has been the cancer diagnosis. But there have been other trials along the way such as my chronic pain or financial reverses or the emotional pain of our daughters. At times like that, you wish that you have read the memo.
What memo? God probably has one for whatever you are facing. That has been my experience.
“Don’t’ go that way or you will regret it.’
‘Do this and you will find peace.’
‘ Rest in me, do not fret, it only leads to anger or worse.’
So before you set of for the day, be sure to read the memo .

Plant walking!!!

When I tell you this story, you will doubt that it is true. Then you will doubt the sanity of the story teller and the main character. Believe me, you had to see it to believe it.
Today Jon was doing another project in our patio. We have had this trumpet vine that has never amounts to much. It produces only a few trumpet flowers for the whole season. The main reason is that it does not get enough sun. But there is a lot of shade in our patio and this potted vine is very large and hard to move around. The best place for is, size wise, has been where it gets minimal morning sun only.
So today we decided to unpot the plant and plant it over the fence where it will get full sun and have a place to grow and climb to it’s heart content. First off, to unpot it ,was a hideous job requiring a large shovel and the two of us tugging. Even then it was not easy, as it was mostly roots and very little dirt. But finally we prevailed and got it up and out of the large clay pot. Now what to do.
Originally we had planned to drop it over the fence and go around to plant it. But that was going to impossible since it was so big. So I got a bright idea. Why not put it on the dolly and wheel it down the block, around the corner and down the bike path to the hole Jon had already dug. And that is what we did. What a sight we were as we wheeled the plant, minus the pot, down the block on the hand truck- like taking your plant for a walk. I kept laughing, honestly I could not help it. Jon did not think it was funny at all and wanted to hurry before we saw anyone we knew.
Finally we got it planted and watered and hopefully it will grow and be happy. I want lots of trumpet flowers flowing over the fence to delight me.
Now, I know that you can hardly believe what I have relayed. You also think that I am crazy or Jon is.
That is probably how people felt when the disciples relayed that Jesus had risen from the dead. No one had seen such a thing before. Nor had such a thing happened in history. They laughed at those who reported it , just as you did my story. Funny but not true they thought. Why did they finally believe? Eyewitnesses were willing to die for what they believed. Who would die for a lie? So it must have been true.
But I love what Jesus said, “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” That is me and you, too, if you chose to follow Him. We believe because someone who did see told the truth.
And you believe my story from today because I saw it and reported it and you know me.
Seeing is believing, but in God’s economy, believing is seeing with eyes of faith.

The Dream

Last night I had one of those terrible dreams that tend to haunt for days afterward. In the dream, I was at the doctor’s office. Before the MD talked to me about the results of my tests, he gave me a shot. I thought that that was odd. Also Jon was not there but his very close friend, Dennis was there with me . Seems that Jon was at work!
After the shot, my doctor told me that I had pancreatic cancer. If you know anything about it, the cure rate is only 5%. And I have a higher risk of contracting it due to my chronic pancreatitis.
Before I could react or speak, Dennis told my doctor that it was OK, he would take care of me.( He is an RN)
By then my reactions hit. I was sad that I would be leaving my family but I also felt a quiet joy that I was heading home soon. I would be seeing the Lord and heaven and my Mom and my Mother in law and my baby and my grandbabies.
Then I woke up and felt a kind of dread. Once before I had had a dream that came true. Was this a warning from the Lord again or just a dream??? I grabbed my journal and my Bible and traced the things I knew to be true.
Jesus is Immanuel- God with me. He will never leave me or forsake me.
Faith is the deep seated conviction that all of God’s promises and assurances are real and valid. I am standing on those promises.
God can and will do what he says He can do.
I can do all things through Christ.
God is sovereign and His plan will come to pass.
God’s plan is to give me hope and a future.
By the time I finished working through the word of God, I felt a peace about whatever is ahead in my life. God is going to be there with me no mater what is ahead. What more could I want?

Exploded

I was up early this morning to take Buddy out , feed him and then spend time with the Lord before I crawled back into bed. While Buddy was eating, I laid out things for breakfast later, including starting hard boiled eggs. In the middle of the preparations, Jon got up for bread pudding! I headed back upstairs to read and called out for Jon to turn the eggs off before he went back to bed, which he did.
After a nice morning nap, we got up and got going. I hit the shower and Jon headed to breakfast. He opened the pan with the eggs and called out to me,
"Something terrible has happened to the eggs. One exploded in the pan but the other one is OK so I am going to go ahead and eat it."
When I finally got down to the kitchen, he was so right. Not only was there just a little crack, the whole egg was floating in disarray in the water. What had once been inside was now ' all hanging out'. Yuck! I gave it to Buddy and he was happy.
" I should have told you to remove the pan from the heat, I guess. It just go too hot and exploded"
What happens to me when things heat up in my life? When I explode, what comes out? As much as I hate it, the fact is, what comes out is that what is inside, just like the egg. So if I don't like the contents that pop out, I need to check out my heart, a recurring theme in my life lately huh?
Jesus said it so plainly" The mouth speaks from that which fills the heart."

Cleaning my oven

The thing about cleaning is that once you start, there is no end to the dirt you find. My theory is, don’t start and you won’t know how dirty your house really is!
Contrary to the popular opinion of the family, I do not have a perfectly clean house. Have you seen the condition of the cupboard under my bathroom sink? Well ,don’t look. I try to keep it sorted but things just seem to jump around when SOMEONE gets in there to find the ace bandage or whatever.
And don’t even get my started on my knitting corner. It overflows with tag ends of yarn and patterns that are folded and marked all over , yet so precious to toss.
Then there is the oven. I use it a lot and I have not cleaned it in the longest time. No reason to not do it since it is self- cleaning. I recently discussed this with my ‘sister by love’ and we agreed we hated to use all that electric energy. I am sure that Ed Bagley Jr. does not have a self cleaning oven!
Deborah has a thing about my oven. She says I had better not clean it, as I have been threatening to do while worrying about having to go to the hospital this last week with possible appendicitis. Her reason? She thinks I keep my house too clean and she has said that if I die and my oven is clean she is going to mess it up! I am not sure why she has this fetish about my oven. Surely she does not think that I am perfect, does she? If so, she has a very short memory . By January 3rd of each year since I became a Mother, I have done something to cause my name to be removed permanently from the list of contestants for ‘Mother of the year’ award.
Sure, I try very hard to be perfect. I keep my house reasonably clean and picked up. I just don’t have the energy to keep every drawer, cupboard or closet neat and tidy anymore. That being said, I decided to clean my oven today after I baked the peach pie for the dinner we are going to. Seemed just the right time, with it hot already. Besides, my new ‘assistant ‘was vacuuming like a fiend so the timing was right. Now the top and the inside of my oven will match.
Jesus talked about my type of cleaning- on the outside only. He said that you have to clean the inside of your life too. Why? God sees the heart, not just the things we do to gain the approval of others. He called for us to avoid being hypocrites- play actors, who are one thing on the outside and another on the inside.
So, since my oven is busy cleaning itself, I had better go turn the heat up on those inward things that God has been speaking to me about, burning them to dust, so my character and my conduct match. Maybe I can make Mother of the year for 2009!

Sticking out all over.

The other day I had to go Levi shopping. I dreaded it. They are so hard to get to fit . Then too, I hate dressing rooms and their ugly mirrors. I look so different in them??? Even more, I hate taking my clothes off and putting them back on. I get hot and sweaty and cranky. Two changes are more than enough for me.
Anyway, yesterday was THE day. There were lots of things on sale and we had an additional 20% off plus a check for $6.55 to boot. Jon found two nice shirts and picked up a top for me with bright colors and the words Hawaii in flashy beads. Not sure if it is me, but we will see.
Then I went through the Levi’s. I like a certain brand and needed short, not regular, being 5’2”. I took several pair in to the dreaded dressing room to try on. I took off the pair I had on and discovered why it is uncomfortable and I seem to stick out of them at the top - it is a size 4! What was I thinking when I bought them??? I settled on a nice pair of size 6 short. When I got home I discovered that the pair I have at home that I love are size 8. No wonder I find them so comfortable! At any rate, I now have a new pair that look nice and feel good too.
As I was thinking about those size 4 pants and how I stick out all over, a story came to mind that I will repeat here as well as I can.
A young boy was told that if he asked Jesus, He would come in and fill his life. The boy commented but if God is so big and I am so small, won’t He stick out all over ? The pastor said, that was the point. God wants to stick out of your life, revealing Himself through you.
I am glad that God sticks out of my life. But my body doesn’t stick out of my Levi’s.

Jon's great finds

The other day we took a dear friend to lunch and not just any lunch. It was at a swanky restaurant. Jon had gotten gift cards for this place at his retirement party. It used to be a bank and has been made into quite a place. It features Italian food and great service.
After lunch we returned home and our friend moseyed on her way. Shortly after her departure, we got a call from her. She was just a few blocks from our house and some lady was putting the best stuff out in the street for free! So Jon hurried down, taking the car to haul his stash home. And boy did he get good stuff and even made another trip for more things she put out.
So what did he get?
Two Adirondack chairs in need of only a coat of paint.
Several large clay pots waiting to hold new Spring plants
Three different lanterns that need some minor repairs
A huge green plant, not sure of it's botanical name, that needed TLC
A small glass table that needs to be cleaned up and the base painted
Garden pole with a place to perch a pot on the top
A large and I mean large, bird house that is shaped like an out house complete with crescent moon. It will merely require a new paint job.
She also had a nice fountain but it was cement and too heavy to move ,let alone carry.
Why was the lady getting rid of them? She was being transferred to New York City as of Monday the 18th and had no time for a garage sale. Her loss was our gain.
Jon loves to get a good bargain and this was the best kind- no money involved.
God, on the other hand, always pays for his ‘bargains’. We were not worth much, face it. We sported damaged souls, cracked identity, peeling integrity and were in need of a total makeover. Many of us felt that we were like Jon’s finds, tossed by the side of the road, unwanted by anyone. We felt rejected and often had rejected ourselves.
Why would God bother with us? Love, pure and simple.
The price? His life for ours. Jesus didn’t want to go to heaven without us so , as Max Lucado says, he went to hell for us.
And what makeovers he is capable of.
We are a new creation when we allow him to take us home.
But God risked our rejection. We can choose to just lay in the street, unwanted and unclaimed. But who would want to?

Don't you hate it?

Today a dear friend had knee surgery. I had on my agenda to get there when she arrived at the hospital to pray with her before they took her back to prep her. How was I to know that such a plan would be another lesson in the retirement dance. And as a two for the price of one, another lesson in flexibility or cooperation (a better tolerated word than submission) was also in store.
We had a nice Valentine’s breakfast complete with turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, applesauce and French puffs. Next, Jon took the dog to the park while I cleaned up the kitchen mess.
Then we had our scheduled walk, this day including a friend who was very chatty. So chatty, that I began to worry about getting home to get ready to go to the hospital. Sure enough, the friend even followed us home to chat in the yard with Jon about his new ‘finds’ ( the subject of another blog). I hurried in to change and grab a quick lunch.
I ate my leftover pizza from yesterday and was fuming inside.
“ We are going to be late and I wanted to go sooner and why can’t this go according to MY timetable.” On and on the thoughts raced, making me a very poor Valentine to say the least.
Jon came in and had his lunch and I was probably, well to be honest, surely was not very congenial.
“I’m ready when you are ready.” Hint, hint, nag, nag.
“ I’ll be ready in a minute. We are not doing the surgery ourselves you know”.
Finally we headed out to the hospital. Wouldn’t you know, we drove up to the parking garage just as our friends were also arriving, NOT ‘LATE’ AT ALL.
Jon was so sweet saying” See, we got here at just the right time”.
And we did. UGH!
So what was the point of all that fuming?
Nothing was gained but a poor attitude.
No time was lost but the time I spent angry.
My agenda was accomplished.
So why did I have to think that my timetable was the only reasonable one and why waste all that time being huffy?
I guess I was trying to pedal our bicycle built for two alone. And have the scratchy attitude to prove it.
Ah, retirement.

Paper clip

Quite a few years ago my number 2 daughter gave me a book to read having paper clipped one chapter to keep me from being shocked or offended. And no, I did not read it, figuring she knew me best. More recently, we had a book in our book club that should have come with a chapter paper clipped. For the life of us, we could not figure out why the writers included that chapter in this modern re-telling of the book of Ruth.
This week has been a hard one for me.
Jon's cancer, reality moving in beyond denial
The emotional pain of a grandson and his mother
My every day chronic pancreatitis
And then on Sunday I woke with a terribble pain in the lower left abdominal area that has waxed and waned but never left and it wearing me out. I finally called and have an appointment with my MD tomorrow. I have envisioned a cyst on my ovary or ovarian cancer or a hernia or something equally ugly and requiring surgery ASAP. I have hussled around to clean, do the wash , ironing, dusting and even bake bread!
It was while I was ironing that a wave of despair hit me and I stopped to call a friend, a grandma, to find sanity. I flat out asked her to give me my own advice. And I am so glad that she did. She said that none of these things were a surprise to God.
That was just the trigger I needed to hear from the Holy Spirit who quoted to me this verse:
Every day of your life was written in a book before one of them came to be. ( Psalm 139:16)
I laughed through my tears, telling my friend that I wished God would paper clip this chapter closed. I don't want to read it or live it. But as usual, just the release of tears and the healing balm of the word lifted the despair and I am ready to deal with life another day, brave enough to remove the paper clip and face whatever tomorrow brings.

Judge and jury

When Jon and I are on our walks, we love to check out our neighbors yards. Sometimes we find a flower bed well done and thriving. Other times, the weeds or worse have taken over and we give it a thumbs down.
Take the two yards with trees that have bent in the recent winds and have not been tended to. They need to be cut out and something else planted in there. Yesterday we noticed that oun house had planted a palm tree too close and it is about to overtake the house. What were they thinking?
Then there is the house in an area further from our subdivision that is painted as camouflage! How would you like to be their neighbor and have your house up for sale? It sure is not hiding!
These walks seem to be honing my skill as a judge and jury. Too bad that I am not on the committee from the homeowners association that comes around 3-4 times a year to check up on the yards. If the yard does not measure up, you get a notice . Sort of like a ‘fix it ticket‘. We got one the first year we were here. We had put in a new garage door and had not gotten it painted yet.
All this judging of yards is OK, I guess but yesterday God showed me it had crept into my personal life. I was holding a grudge against three people that I felt had given poor counsel to a friend and she was suffering due to it. Here is the dialog God and I had:
“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge and you are not it. I am! Who are you to judge these people? I am their master and they answer to me, not you.“
“But God, I don’t think they gave the right counsel.”
“You have speak about something you have no knowledge of. My ways are not your ways nor are they intended to be. You are leaning on your own understanding which is so limited.”
“ Do I have a log in my eye ?”
“ Yes, a big one. You are keeping these people chained to the wall of your mind until they admit they made a mistake, based on your opinion!. That is the log of arrogance. Did you forget that when you judge, that is the same way you will be judged?”
“ I admit, I have wanted justice for them and mercy for me. I repent and choose, by and act of my will, not my emotions, for forgive. I know that if I don’t, the sin of unforgiveness blocks my relationship with you. I don’t want that.”
“ You are forgiven based on the blood of the Son. Now, when these names or faces come up in your mind, remember that you have released them. They are no longer chained in your mind, gathering free rent and causing you to have to guard them and check up to see if they have paid the debt you perceived they owed you - an apology. I am the Judge and I will deal with my servants. Be at peace about this and put away your clipboard. You are fired from your job as judge and jury.”

Tune up

Recently I had to have my car tuned. It is a 1991 and many things needed attention. It was good that I took it, but I should never had taken it in by myself as I created a problem unknowingly. Seems that the dip stick was not connected to my oil cap and the mechanic was afraid that it would fall into the oil and be unretrievable. I asked if he had one to replace it. He said that he did not and I would have to go to an auto parts store to get one.
The critical decision came with this question:
“What do you want me to do with this?”
Foolishly I said, “Well I don’t need it so throw it out, I guess. I will just go and get a new one.”
How could I have known that since my car was so old, it would be hard to find and once found would cost and arm and a leg too! UGH! One bad decision that has come back to bite me, in the wallet at least.
Speaking of tune ups, my Pastor had us do a marriage tune up on Sunday. Well, I felt smug. We have a great marriage but I will go along with this and take the check up test.
1. Communication - do you talk with your spouse?
I did well there ,as we do talk a lot. Even more since Jon is home more.
2. Do you pay attention to and are you considerate to your spouse?
Boy I am acing this test. I love doing things for Jon.
3. Are you flexible and willing to compromise.
UGH! I need an overhaul here. Did you know that more marriages fail due to inflexibility than any other thing?
My fit last week was just one sign of inflexibility or lack of cooperation. I tend to be obsessive and see that now as not compatible with compromise. So God has had to order out for a new part here. Actually it will require an complete overhaul of my thinking. But He is up to the challenge and I have given Him permission.
4.Do you still court your spouse?
Doing OK there. I love to let him know how much I love him.
5. Are you faithful to your vow and committed 100%.?
Yes I am- until death do us part.
6. Are you growing in your relationship with Christ?
Yes I am. And believe me, I am well aware that I can’t do numbers 1-5 without Him.
So much for tune ups. They aren’t the cause of problems, they just reveal them. So I will pay more attention to what they reveal, I promise.

29 and counting

February has come and we have 29 days that Jon is without insurance. As I bemoaned that fact to the Lord yesterday, he reassured me that while we might not have insurance, we have Him.
He will never leave us or forsake us.
Nothing can separate us from his love.
He is Jehovah Jireh- our provider
Paul says 'My God will supply all our needs, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.'
So I am resting in His provision, not afraid of our lack of that insurance coverage. He is sovereign and will provide.

Retirement dance part 2

With all the medical issues, I have not been focused on the retirement dance. But yesterday it came to the forefront of my thinking again. You see, it was the first of the month, and time to pay the bills. I have a routine in this process. Gather the bills, balance the check book and then go online and get the job done. In just a few minutes, you have the money and dates entered and it is a done deal for the month.
But this month we have an adjusted income in terms of amount and the dates it comes in. So we sat to list it out and then I was ready to do things my way. I had no clue that my way was not the best way, the best timing or the right way .
To put it another way, I forgot that we were on that bicycle built for two and we both had to pedal together or fall over and crash. I also forgot who was in the front position, my dear husband.
To make matter worse, I got huffy and emotional and unreasonable. I know, you can hardly believe that of me, but it is true. Jon pulled the plug on the whole project, saying I needed to eat ( meaning that my blood sugar was low and he was not going to deal with me in that condition).
As I bowed my head to pray silently over my oatmeal, God spoke in that still small voice:
This is a marriage, not a dictatorship.
You are on a bicycle built for two not one.
This is not about you, it is about both of you. No marriage is made up of one person.
Your way may be good but not the only way. For example, you keep your gas tank full and Jon drives until it is almost empty. Both are OK as long as you put gas . So with paying the bills.
Unity is more important than being right. Jesus prayer with the disciples at the Last Supper was about unity.
Consider others as more important then yourself, that is what Jesus did. Don’t just look out for your own personal interest or ways of doing things.
So we are back on the dance floor in unison doing it seems the tango but hopefully I will lead my partner lead and we will become graceful once again.