Paper clip

Quite a few years ago my number 2 daughter gave me a book to read having paper clipped one chapter to keep me from being shocked or offended. And no, I did not read it, figuring she knew me best. More recently, we had a book in our book club that should have come with a chapter paper clipped. For the life of us, we could not figure out why the writers included that chapter in this modern re-telling of the book of Ruth.
This week has been a hard one for me.
Jon's cancer, reality moving in beyond denial
The emotional pain of a grandson and his mother
My every day chronic pancreatitis
And then on Sunday I woke with a terribble pain in the lower left abdominal area that has waxed and waned but never left and it wearing me out. I finally called and have an appointment with my MD tomorrow. I have envisioned a cyst on my ovary or ovarian cancer or a hernia or something equally ugly and requiring surgery ASAP. I have hussled around to clean, do the wash , ironing, dusting and even bake bread!
It was while I was ironing that a wave of despair hit me and I stopped to call a friend, a grandma, to find sanity. I flat out asked her to give me my own advice. And I am so glad that she did. She said that none of these things were a surprise to God.
That was just the trigger I needed to hear from the Holy Spirit who quoted to me this verse:
Every day of your life was written in a book before one of them came to be. ( Psalm 139:16)
I laughed through my tears, telling my friend that I wished God would paper clip this chapter closed. I don't want to read it or live it. But as usual, just the release of tears and the healing balm of the word lifted the despair and I am ready to deal with life another day, brave enough to remove the paper clip and face whatever tomorrow brings.