Do you trust me?

There is another movie that I have seen several times with Deborah called " Some kind of wonderful" It is a sappy chick flick. But there is a famous, at least to us, line in it that came to me today in another setting. The line goes like this: " Do you trust me? I trust you". Of course the jerk in the movie is not trustworthy but that is another story.
This is what happened today that triggered that memory:
Jon had a medical procedure that left him woozy. I had to drive him home, much to his dismay. Not only did this aggravate his dizziness, but it was driving his NEW CAR. It had gotten dark by the time that we left and the 5:00 traffic was bad. He tried to tell me which route to take but I told him to relax. Ha! Twice on the way home we barely escaped accidents as speeders weaved in and out of traffic or ran red lights. He was visibly shaken and almost frantic. I stated those classic words" Don't' you trust me?"
In a flash ,I saw my life as I face situations over which I have no control. Like Jon, I often plead with God to take another route or deal with the circumstances differently, more to my liking. And just as often God whispers to me" Don't you trust me?" I will remember next time that just as I had things under control tonight, in a greater way, God has my life under his control and he never makes mistakes. When I can't read his mind or alter it, I can trust his heart.

Play it again

This last week we saw a movie we had already seen, Holes. We first heard about it from our grandson Gabriel when he was reading it at school. When it came to the theater we went to see it. It is a great guys film but held this Grandma's attention too.
This last week we saw it again, twice! Once at home and once at someone else's house after turkey dinner. I can now tell you many of the funny parts, verbatim, just like Deborah used to do. She would see a show at her dad's house. Then she would repeat it, seemingly word for word.
I also saw scenes that I have missed in the previous viewing. Things that made sense of the movie.
There are very few films that I have seen more than once. A trip to Bountiful is an exception to that rule. My dear Deborah has watched that with me several times and cried with me too.
As I was thinking about the cultural habit of seeing a movie in the theater and then buying it to watch again and again at home, I thought of the true story a friend of mine told. She was reading her Bible and her husband said, seriously," when are you going to finish that book. You have sure been a long time reading it." I laughed with her but his innocent remark came back to me today. Just as others watch movies again and again, I read and re-read my Bible and never tire of it. And like my friend Barbara, won't ever be finished since I see something new everytime.

New Saying

When we bought the Camry Jon knowingly chose a car with less horsepower in trade for better financing and gas mileage. This week we have had chances to see is we made a good decision. Our trip to Pacific Grove entailed going over Pacheco Pass and the new car did well. Then on Thanksgiving day we drove to Sonora and on up the back road almost to Twain Harte and once again the car did fine.
We have a new saying now when Jon doubts his choice," Cash in the bank". That brings a smile. Sometimes less is more and in this case that is true. Yes, the Avalon rode a little better and was a little classier but you can't take that to the bank.
Jon says that having an Avalon was, in some ways, a pride issue and as my grandsons have heard on more than one occasion, King Solomon said' Pride goes before a fall.'
So this new car has a double purpose, saving money and saving face.

It's all in the attitude

Wise King Solomon said it well when he said:
A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs it up.
As we were preparing for our brief get away on Monday, I laid out the outfit I as going to wear- a Levi skirt and favorite blouse. I chose the skirt instead of Levis themselves since pants tend to get tight around my 'sensitive pancreatic spot'. Comfort was all that I had on my mind for the 2 1/2 hour trip.
Jon innocently asked if that was what I was wearing. Wrong question. I took that to be coding. You know, where you say one thing but really have an underlying message. I took that to mean, I want you to wear pants- for whatever reason. The right answer would have been, 'yes, I wanted to be comfortable on the trip'. My answer, however, was not, as Solomon suggested, the gentle one. I huffed." Well what did YOU decide for me to wear.This is what I wanted to wear but I bet you wanted me to wear pants. I don't want to, but I might as well just do it and get this over with.'
Jon stood with his mouth open not sure what was safe to say.
He treid again. Well that skirt is fine but the bottom is a little frumpy. Maybe you can...."
I grabbed it and said, well you might as throw it out if I can't wear it. What good is it anyway. I will just hurt the whole trip. SO there.!"
It that was not enough, I put up the ironing board and ironed it. Jon thought I was going to wear it, but no, with great flair, I hung it up and put on pants.
In the calm after all that huffiness, I heard God remind me of Solomon's words and also of my prayer earlier that we would have unity and not let the evil one destroy our special time together. Now I had a choice. Be an agent for unity and build love or an agent to disunity and martyrdom. It was not an instantaneous decison but I chose to enjoy the man I love and our time away and not let what I wore be a dividing factor.
That attitude adjustment made all the difference and my pants were fine, thank you very much!!!

Perseverance

My husband is my model of perseverance. For example, he got a flu shot last Friday and still have the bandaid on from it! I can't leave a bandaid on for five minutes. He will keep at a project long after I would have given up. In fact, I give up pretty easily on a frustrating activity. I tried guitar lessons. The book said I could play in five easy minutes. When that did not happen I gave up, much to my sadness now.
This week I tried a new knitting pattern. It was for a scarf and you cast on 400 stitches but only had to knit 20 rows. Somehow I cast on some of the stitches too tight and could not move them from one needle to the other and after several maddening tries cut the whole thing off and went back to a tried and true pattern.
That cutting reminded me of my Father. My Mother had a massive stroke at age 50 and was left paralyzed on the right side of her body. My dad was so sweet to care for her. One day he got the zipper stuck on her dress and after a few unsuccessful tries cut her out of the dress! Seems to run in the family.
Perseverance is an evidence of the Holy Spirit in your life. Jesus does not give up on his undisciplined disciples or His rebellious believers. His love never fails. In fact, he endured the shame and pain of the cross for the joy that was set before him in eternity, having redeemed people at his side. I guess that that is my problem, I am not willing to look to the future and want things quck and easy NOW. May God build that quailty in my life. I sure need it.

Rest

I found myself dealing with unrest yesterday. You know, that feeling of tightness in your middle that is not from what you ate. It was uneasiness and turmoil mixed together and caused by a situation I had not control over but desperately wanted to. No matter how I rehearsed the outcome, I could not reassure myself that it would come out to my satisfaction. I went to bed anxious about it all and woke with the same feeling. I tried to read my Bible this morning but the gnawing was so distracting. Finally I dropped to my knees and told the Lord that I wanted to be free of this. I cried out for peace and relinquished control to Him.
My mind was now empty of the problem and I was able to here the Spirit speak Psalm 23 to me:
'The Lord is my Shepherd
I have all I need.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.'
The thought came to me of how you can't lie down and rest unless you trust the place you are resting. I should have had a quiet mind trusting that God was Sovereign and had the issue already tended to. He did not need me to worry at it, gnawing it over and over like a bone. Or going over it again and again like rocking in a rocking chair- busy but going nowhere. What peace came to me. I realized that changing my focus from my puny resources to God's unlimited ones had freed my mind of anxious thoughts and rote thinking .
I was free to rest now and glad of it. Worry is so wearing.

The rest of the story

In the story of Gideon, he tested God's direction for his life twice. Well, Jon did too. Part of the problem was that we did not have the new Avalon in our garage but had to wait another week or so for it to arrive. In the meantime, Jon lacked a peace about his decision. So he checked the Toyota website and saw a great incentive program on the Camrys.To make a long story shorter, we drove and purchased a new 2006 Camry and saved all the way around. The interest is .0001%! The down payment was less than 1/2 of what we were going to put on the Avalon. The payments are a lot less and the insurance will be too.
I admire that Jon was praying and asking for God to show him and even though it seemed obvious to me, he kept praying until God gave him peace. Solomon said, instruct a wise man and he will be still wiser. I saw this happen this weekend. Jon was asking and listening and knew when God answered.
Thanks God for my husband and for my new car.

Eureka

What a week, but we finally decided on a car. We purchased a new Toyota Avalon. We actually put a down payment on one since there was not one on the lot. They expect one next week. It was a big decision. Jon so wanted to make the right decision that he was over analyzing each car we considered. He would weigh the pros and cons and then re-analyze it all over again. I was feeling that either his head or mine would explode, or both.
Tuesday night before bed he decided that we could not afford a new Avalon and that we would just settle for a new Camry. That very day he had talked to a couple of dealers and crunched the numbers to no avail as far as hitting the limit we had set.
Wednesday morning he got up saying he was going to put out a 'fleece'. Are you familiar with Gideon in the Bible? He was the originator of the fleece concept. God had told him to go to battle with a ridiculously low number of men and Gideon was fearful he had gotten the wrong message. So he asked God to confirm it by having the fleece dry the next morning and the ground wet. The next morning it was as he had asked. Just to be sure, he asked God to confirm it again with the reverse, fleece wet and ground dry . God was not obligated to answer that way, but was gracious in doing so. So Gideon went out to battle and was victorious because God was in it.
Jon decided that his fleece was that he would ask for a specifically lower down payment and lower monthly payment than they had said that they would approve. He was going to call and say- 'this amount or no sale'. And like the story of Gideon, God confirmed that decision as right by having the car dealer say 'OK we will go with those figures.' So next week we expect to have a new car. Now if Jon will stop obsesessing about it again and rest in God's answer.

Terrible, horrible, no good very bad day

Perhaps you are familiar with the book by the same name as the heading. Alexander has a very bad day and decides to move to Australia until his Mom says bad things can happen there too.
Today was one of those days for my Jon. It started out with an adjustment on his sore back. Then a phone call with the insurance company regarding our check for a new car and paperwork we had to fill out that had not arrived. Next, he sat at the computer to handle some business and the speakers blew up. To make matters worse, he needed them to hear the training session.
About that time the gal who was doing a write up for the garden club at church called to say that the photos we sent her were too small andshe asked if we could bring in the camera to see if they could be enlarged. So we dropped everything and headed to church , all to no avail. The photos were still too small. Secretly Jon was glad since he did not want his picture in the article anyway.
Since we were out and about we dropped by the computer place to get new speakers. We had lunch and visited with a friendly gal there at KFC. Next we headed to Turlock for an appointment about possible Prostate cancer. The upshot was that Jon will have to have a biopsy at the end of the month. Not what he wanted to hear.
We arrived home to return the call to the dentist to confirm an appointment to deal with his tooth that is infected. Next a call to the insurance regarding the papers which arrived but were not clear.
He was very discouraged by the time he left for work and who could blame him. His body is falling apart, his car was totaled and he is weary of phone calls and paperwork.
Jesus had words of encouragement for him.
" Peace I leave you. MY peace I give to you. In the world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer, I, Jesus, have overcome the world.'
So instead of moving to Australia, Jon is going to move closer to Jesus trade his load for Jesus peace.

Not the shopper

Years ago there was a cartoon with dinosaurs. One of them always was saying " not the Mama." I have borrowed that to make my point. I am not the shopper in the family. Jon loves to shop, even if he doesn't buy anything. When the girls were teens, he would go with them to the mall to clothes shop and I would stay home. They would make a good day of it. Ruth would try on a skirt here and then purchase it and take it to try on the blouse somewhere else. Deborah would get a shirt one place and then try it on with Levi's in another store. You get the picture.
Over the years I have learned to enjoy the time with Jon shopping, especially if it is a bookstore. I can get lost in the shelves of books, even if you have to read the titles on their sides.
Since the accident, we have had a shopping frenzy. I described it in my last post. To make it even more wearing, my back is still very sore from the whiplash and at times my hip too. Getting in and out of cars has been a trial.
The last two days the weather has been so cold and damp and I would much rather have been at home with a cup of tea and my book. Then the Lord whispered that I was to think about the interests of others too, not always putting myself first, my desires, my plans, my timing. That is what Jesus did. He left the pleasures of heaven, to act on behalf of our needs and not his own. I am sure he wants me to go car shopping with Jon cheerfully, being a voice of encouragement and companionship. So off I go, being his shopping partner. Who knows, I might have a good thought or two for him along the way.

Choices

Yes, I am getting over the loss of Alexander. In the process, which includes multiple phone calls and frustration, we have begun to search for a new car. Oh the choices. Buy or lease. New or used. What size?( we decided that we did not want to a small car least we be smashed ) What color can we not live with? What salesman will wear our patience thin? Do we need a 6 disc CD changer? How about warm seats? How many miles on a used car is acceptable? Does the carfax sheet really tell all? Why is there masking tape under the fender? On and On. Not life changing decisions, but necessary ones for sure.
It hit me that this should be a fun time. But the decision it so critical to our financial future that it is very serious. For example, if we replace Alexander with an 2006 Avalon our payments could range from $456.00 to $627.00 depending on what we put down, etc. Who wants to spend that much on car payments? Not us. A new Saturn Vue would be more in our range. Or the Jeep Grand Cherokee we saw with only 7,000 miles and most of the warrantee left. When we finally figure it out, you will be the first to know.
Choices are more narrow in the spiritual world. There are only two. Love God and surrender your life to His care or renounce Him. God Himself gave us that free will so we could choose. He took a huge risk because we can choose to reject Him.
Joshua made a famous statement:
' Choose this day whom you will serve. But for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.' That is a far more important choice that our next car.
Or as Moses said, ' I place before you life and death. So choose life.'

R.I.P.

As I have said before, we tend to get very attached to things in our family. We have had funerals for cats, birds( yes, Deborah, I did keep the dead bird in the freezer until the boys came to have a funeral),hamsters and even a lizard.
Just before we moved to Idaho in 1984 our beloved Irish Setter died a tragic death( hung herself by her choke chain over the fence as she tried to get a cat). Jon, especially, grieved for many days over the loss. She was his faithful companion ( though also a Dr. Jeckel and Miss Hyde to be honest)
One pet we did not seem to grieve the loss of was the garter snake that Deborah had. We were just tired of him getting out, I guess.
Well today we grieve the loss of yet another thing dear to us, our car. When we got him, we had a family contest to decide on a name. We selected Alexander the Great and Great he was. He replaced Arthur, our first Avalon. We did hate to leave Arthur at the lot and drive away.( what a vivid imagination we have huh?)
When the insurance company called to tell us that the car is totaled and to get the release so they can tow it away, we both cried. Honest we did. It was like releasing a body to the funeral home.
We are left with a cancelled payment book , pictures detailing the crash scene and good memories.
But truth be told, we do know the value of human life over pets and cars and stuff. God sent Jesus to rescue men, not stuff. So, please excuse us while we had an good cry and then get on with loving our family and friends.

Author

I have had a secret wish for many years to be an author. Both my girls have the same dream. They say that avid readers make great authors so we all qualify on that point. I guess that blogging is kind of like being an author, with no editors , deadlines or PAY. I know that Annie Lamott says you write because you can't not write. I see ideas unfold in my head and have to put them down.
Did you know that Jesus was a author. I am not referring to the Bible, though that it true, but to our faith. The writer of Hebrews calls Jesus the author and perfector of our faith. The word author means inventor, maker, originator. Faith began with Him. He is the object of our faith, too. And it is not misplaced since He is faithful( full of faith). Oh that he may find me faithful too.