Treadmill

I discovered I have been on a treadmill. You know, that thing people buy to get healthy and end up using to put their clothes on rather than hang them up. That thing that goes and goes but never goes anywhere. The scenery is boring and the sense of the useless is pervasive.
So, imagine my discovering I have been on one most of my life and didn't realize it. How can that be , you ask? Well my treadmill is not physical but spiritual. It is the treadmill of performance where I am doing things for God rather than doing life with God. The works versus grace treadmill.
Need an example? Luke gives one in his gospel. Mary and Martha have Jesus and his group at their house. Mary is doing life with Jesus and Martha is doing things for Jesus. Jesus says that Mary has found the one thing, the best thing. He is referring to her sitting at his feet, adoring him, listening to him and soaking up his love and grace. Martha is running around, serving with a huffy attitude, a self-righteous attitude, a martyr attitude( and boy do I know that attitude well). She is worried and distracted about many things. And the worst part is that she , like me, does not realize that she is on a treadmill going nowhere.
Solution? Make knowing God the goal of my life. Not book learning, but personal experience as in" Adam knew Eve and she conceived". That kind of knowing. Not to confuse you, that has been my longing, but I do have a cruel taskmaster in my head that pushes me to do more, make more lists, complete more tasks. As though God will love me more if I am productive. Yet, He says that 'it is not by works of righteousness that I have done, but by His grace, lavish grace', from first to last.
So, anyone need a good but overworked treadmill that is still in good shape? It even has the guarantee in effect, too!